I'm Not Dead... Yet!

Free I'm Not Dead... Yet! by Robby Benson

Book: I'm Not Dead... Yet! by Robby Benson Read Free Book Online
Authors: Robby Benson
Tags: Biographies & Memoirs
laughs, as did Mabel for Frederic.
    I couldn’t believe it, Karla was a magnificent talent but she was giving and compassionate and never pulled a hint of the star power I was used to in these situations.

    At every performance, when Frederic and Mabel pledge their love at the red center line of the downstage platform, our kiss was magical. Long after we had left, when Pirates closed, the stage hands saved that piece of the platform and shipped it to us as a wedding gift.

    Karla and I played our first show together on July 28, 1981. Getting to work with Kevin Kline (and original cast members Estelle Parsons, George Rose, and Tony Azito) was a thrill—but all that paled next to being onstage with the woman I loved.
     
    Love became the elixir for my heart.

    ‘Oh, here is love... and here is truth...’

    But was she in a relationship?
    The relationship? Our love? It was a bridge we would have to cross.

    A complicated, awesome bridge

    but it wasn’t impossible.
     
    I heard the basketball coach in my head:

    I imagined carrying Karla away, high above the city. Just the two us.

    I knew I wanted to spend my life with her.
    I would carve her name into the earth!

    I would wear sneakers with her name on them!

    And then one day:

    it happened!
    Wow!

    (Yes, that too...)
    We were on stage, I was about to sing, and my heart, like an on/off switch, jumped to 200 beats per minute—and I could barely catch my breath, let alone sing. So I made the audience laugh… but all I kept thinking was:

    Help me! I can’t breathe!

    I—can’t—slow—my—heart—down!
    I—can’t—sing! I—can’t—breathe!

    WHERE? IS! THE! FREE! AIR?
     
Tachycardia
    Madly in love or not, over 2 million Americans suffer from arrhythmia. Mine was called tachycardia; this kind of arrhythmia is a rapid heartbeat (controlled by the heart’s flow of electrical impulses) which obstructs the heart muscle’s ability to contract appropriately. Mine would come with no warning and go on and off like a light switch. Be careful: it can be brought on by caffeine. I took Excedrin for migraines and drank strong black tea before each show, which no doubt exacerbated the symptoms. Applying pressure to the artery under your jaw and grunting (as if you are constipated) can sometimes stop the racing and put your heart back in sync with itself.
    It’s very hard to hide on stage, but if you’ve been acting long enough, there are ways to turn this dilemma into a ‘bit’ and no one will ever know you are a victim of tachycardia, which in extreme cases, caused by an underlying condition, can lead to sudden cardiac death. (They didn’t have Google then—so what did I know?!)
    There are many ways to treat arrhythmia. Check out the link below:
    Arrhythmia
     
    Some of us are born with a morsel of talent; stuck in the Peloton of creative mediocrity. I recognize my shortcomings and work like mad (Work ethic! Discipline! ‘Old School!’) to make the most out of the modest talent I have.
    Karla, on the other hand, was born with a gift . It’s as if someone in the heavens tapped her with a special wand and proclaimed, ‘You will be an extraordinary singer.’
    This is me:

    a manufactured falsification; an impostor with good slight-of-hand; in other words, a fake in a business of fakes.
    And this is Karla:

    So few are gifted like Karla—genuine; legitimate. Being around Karla, I felt like I could survive anything!
    I had to spend my life with this woman, even if it took:

    a miracle!
    My heart was hers and hers alone.
     
    Hear the song I wrote for Karla, a duet (sung by the amazing Stan Brown and Karla DeVito):
Song: Falling
 
Our Waterfall of Love
     

    (Corny but no regrets.
    That director was right: for a gypsy, I wasn’t authentic.
    For a romantic, I’m your guy.)

4. Running Brave
     

     
     
    Karla and I only had a few months together in The Pirates of Penzance .
    Karla had gone to the head of CBS records, Walter Yetnikov, to plead her case for

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