Free Murder at Breakfast by Steve Demaree

Katherine’s place. Only in good weather, of
course. I knew that sooner or later someone would see us. Tell me, was it one
of the hired help?”
    “Now,
Mr. Cochran, policemen have to have their secrets, too.”
    “Well,
it doesn’t matter. Everyone knew about the two of us anyway.”
    “Well,
I guess that’s all for now, Mr. Cochran. I hope you get to feeling better. Oh,
and we’re asking everyone to stay in until we learn more about Mrs. Higgins’
death.”
    “Oh,
was there something suspicious about it?”
    “We
won’t know until after the autopsy is completed.”
     
    +++
     
    I
was embarrassed to go to the Blue Moon with Lou. Lou, a shell of his former
self. And he had no idea what he was doing to himself. He used to be a man who
carried his weight quite nicely. Well, not as nicely as I carried mine, but
nicely compared to most guys. This morning, he had the nerve to admit to me
that his Wii told him he had lost twenty-one pounds. Maybe it had something to
do with that voice, the one that came from the TV, the one that told me I was
obese. It was a strange voice. Maybe it had hypnotized Lou. Oh, if only someone
could steal Lou’s Wii, so I can get my old friend back.
    Robust
and Frail walked into the Blue Moon. I hoisted myself up onto my stool. Lou
slithered onto his. Rosie sensed there was something wrong with me. She turned
to Lou to see what it was.
    “What’s
wrong with him?”
    “He
fell on his candy.”
    “Excuse
me?”
    “He
fell on his candy. Actually, something happened in the line of duty which
caused him to fall and all of his candy bars broke into little bitty pieces.
Now I don’t understand what the big  deal  is,  because  he  breaks his Hershey
Almond bars into bite-size pieces before he eats them, but I think it has
something to do with the fact that the impact caused some of his nuts to break
in half.”
    I
gave Lou a dirty look, but he didn’t notice. He and Rosie were looking at each
other at the time.
    Rosie
turned to look at me.
    “Can
I help it if I like to break my own candy bars the way I want?”
    I
took my mangled Hershey bars from my pocket, showed her the damage that had
been done, and received her empathy. Lou’s tattling had caused us too much of a
delay, so I changed the subject to something more important than being
blindsided by a linebacker of a maid.
    I
ordered an open-face roast beef sandwich with mashed potatoes and enough gravy
to start a flood. Lou ordered a grilled chicken sandwich with lettuce, tomato,
and brown mustard. I waited to hear the rest of his order. There was no rest. Lou
was through. Lou was through all right. I knew that before long he wouldn’t
have enough strength to feed himself.
    When
our food arrived, I propped a menu up between us, so that Lou wouldn’t see that
I had a much better lunch than he had. I quickly put it back, hoping that he
would be tempted. He even looked at me, at my food, and didn’t lick his lips
once. I wanted to get Rosie aside to see if maybe Lou was sneaking back after I
dropped him off at night, in order to make up for his transgressions. Then I
remembered that the Blue Moon is no longer open at night.
    A
few minutes later Rosie walked up, whispered in my ear. She didn’t want
you-know-who to hear. She had just taken a coconut cream pie from the oven. It
should have had time to cool just enough. I told her to bring it on, and set
the whole pie in front of the vacant stool next to me, just in case the aroma
might snap someone out of his catatonic state.
    Rosie
brought a large plate, sliced two pieces of pie and put them on my plate.  I 
have  never  “oom-oomed”  and  “yum yummed”  as  much  as  I  did  those  next 
five  minutes. Nothing worked. I even rang Pavlov’s bell. The poor boy never
even requested a yogurt.  Maybe I could find someone at the department who
would break into Lou’s apartment and steal his Wii. I wondered if the Wii
company ever recalled those