Free The Da-Da-De-Da-Da Code by Robert Rankin Page B

Dimac.’
    ‘I can vouch for that,’ said Jonny.
    ‘He’s instigated a dress code for people using the park,’ said Ranger Hawtrey. ‘Quite unofficially, of course. If he sees some young bloke in sportswear he chucks them out of the park.’
    ‘But surely a park is the kind of place were you
can
wear sportswear?’
    ‘You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But he hates chavs.’
    ‘Who doesn’t?’ said Jonny.
    ‘So the park is pretty much a chav-free zone. And if they show up again after he’s barred them, he gives them a sound roughing-up.’
    ‘Part of me is starting to really like him,’ said Jonny. ‘Shall we stroll on?’
    ‘Are you sure you don’t want to listen to They Might Be Giants some more?’
    ‘No,’ said Jonny. ‘Thank you very much. And thank you for not turning me in and thank you for your conversation. You’ve given me much to think about.’
    *
     
    Ranger Hawtrey and ‘Ranger Chicoteen’ strolled on together.
    And there was quite a ruckus going on in Jonny’s head. An internal dialogue, unheard and unguessed at by Ranger Hawtrey.
    ‘We’d best get out of here,’ said Mr Giggles. ‘This young loon will turn you in at the first possible opportunity.’
    ‘No he won’t,’ said Jonny.
    ‘Oh yes he will. He’s just waiting until they’ve posted a reward.’
    ‘I’m not worried about it,’ said Jonny. ‘It’s that voice on his iPod that worries me.’
    ‘And what voice was that?’
    ‘Interesting.’
    ‘What?’
    ‘You didn’t hear it.’
    ‘Didn’t hear what? A voice? What voice?’
    ‘I’m sure that if I find out, you will be the first to know.’
    ‘What did it say, this voice?’
    ‘I’m not telling you.’
    ‘You can’t have secrets from me, Jonny.’
    ‘It would appear that I can.’
    ‘Tell me, did you get one of these?’
    ‘What?’
    ‘One of these?’ The voice belonged to Ranger Hawtrey.
    ‘One of
what
?’ Jonny asked.
    ‘One of these.’ And Ranger Hawtrey fished an envelope from a jacket pocket. He seemed to have
so
many things in his pockets: iPod, oversized red gingham handkerchief and now an envelope. Golly.
    ‘It’s a competition thingie,’ said Ranger Hawtrey. ‘Although I can’t understand how exactly you win whatever it is that you win.’ He opened the envelope and displayed its contents to Jonny.
    Jonny laughed, which was something he rarely did. ‘
That
,’ said he, ‘is, indirectly or directly, I’m not certain which, the reason why I’m in all the trouble I’m presently in. I determined that I would crack the Da-da-de-da-da Code and win whatever there was to be won, and my life, crap as it was, has become ten times as crap since then.’
    ‘The Da-da-de-da-da Code,’ said Ranger Hawtrey. ‘That would make a good name for a book.’
    ‘Yeah, right,’ said Jonny. ‘With
me
as the hero.’
    ‘Well, I don’t know about that. But what do you think about the letter?’
    ‘I think that I
will
crack the code,’ said Jonny. ‘I think that, given all that’s happened to me so far, it might even be important that I do crack the code.’
    ‘Good on you,’ said Ranger Hawtrey. ‘Perhaps we could work together on it.’
    ‘No,’ said Jonny. ‘I don’t think so. It’s not that I’m greedy for whatever the prize is and unwilling to share. It’s just that you could get yourself into as much trouble as me.’
    ‘You cannot attribute your troubles directly to your search,’ said Ranger Hawtrey. ‘It could just be coincidence.’
    ‘I’m not sure that I believe in coincidence.’
    ‘All right. If you don’t want my help, tell me at least how you intend to go about cracking the code.’
    ‘Do the obvious,’ said Jonny. ‘Trace where the letter was printed. That might be all that’s necessary to win the prize.’
    ‘Do you really think so?’ Ranger Hawtrey looked all excited.
    ‘You look all excited,’ said Jonny Hooker.
    ‘Well, of course I do,’ said Ranger Hawtrey, ‘because
I
know where it was