Free Again by Lisa Burstein

scratch. She was hanging out with Alex and Steph? Aside
from what could happen at the party, it was probably a matter of two beers
before they revealed who I really was, what I really was. Before I could no
longer walk up and talk to Kate and feel totally stupid about everything I said
like any other fumbling guy, before she saw what everyone else on campus saw.
    I guess I should have taken
Tristan’s advice and asked her out sooner.
    “I didn’t know you were
friends with them,” I said. The words felt black.
    “I met them yesterday.”
    Why was I surprised? Alex
and Steph probably liked what I did about Kate—her humor, her spirit, the way
she didn’t seem to care what anyone thought of her. The difference was they
didn’t have anything to hide.
    “First party of the
semester,” I said, leaning against the wall, trying to seem casual, even though
my pulse batted against my jugular. “Keep your wits about you.”
    “Where else would I keep
them?” she asked, her lips tipped up.
    The glow of her smile hit me
right in the center of my chest.
    “Funny,” I said, trying to
smile back, “but you get a few drinks in you…” I stopped.
    What was I doing? I wasn’t
her father. I wasn’t even her boyfriend. I was just some guy who wanted to make
sure she was okay.
    Maybe it was because I could
sense she was trying her best to make sure of that too. She exuded confidence,
but I could tell it was covering something else.
    I knew all about pretending
things were okay when they were anything but.
    “I told you,” she said,
focusing on my eyes so intently hers started watering, “I don’t drink.”
    “I know,” I said. I did, but
that could quickly change. If the night with Jeanie taught me anything, it was that
bad things happened when alcohol was around.
    “You don’t believe me,” she
sighed.
    “It’s not my job to believe
you.”
    “What is your job again?”
she asked, putting her finger on her chin. Her lips spilled into a sensuous
smile.
    It made me consider screwing
my job and my secrets altogether and kissing her senseless right there in the
hallway. Kiss her so hard she forgot about the party. Kiss her so hard whatever
Alex and Steph might tell her about me wouldn’t matter.
    “Please be careful,” I said.
If I wanted to do those things to her, imagine what any other guy who
didn’t have his past stopping him would want to do.
    “I’ll be with Steph and
Alex.”
    “Like I said,” I replied.
But was I more worried about what Steph and Alex would tell her or who she
might become with Steph and Alex?
     “Hey, they’re your students,
Mr. RA, do something about it,” she said, her face turning red in a way that
seemed so not like her. Not that I even knew her well enough to think so. Maybe
I just hoped to.
    Besides, I couldn’t do
anything about it. I couldn’t stop them and I couldn’t stop her.
    I had no right to try.  
    Tristan had said I should
let her into my compartmentalized life, but this was not what he’d meant.
    “Okay then,” I said, forcing
myself to head toward the elevator. “Have a good night.”
    “That’s it?”
    “What else should I say?” I
asked, thunder in my ears.
    “Why are you mad?” Her face
was a mask of confusion.
    “I’m not. Have fun,” I said,
continuing toward the elevator and trying to keep my stomach level. I was
definitely something, but it wasn’t mad.
    I wanted to pause this
moment. Beautiful Kate, shining like a snowflake in the hallway while I was
just her annoying RA, instead of whatever I might become after Alex and Steph
got ahold of her.
     

Chapter
Twelve
    Kate
    Carter got onto the elevator
as Steph and Alex stepped out into the hallway. They leaned against their door,
rosy cheeked and clearly buzzing. They wore tight Republic jeans and even
tighter scoop neck tops. Alex wore light blue, and Steph wore pink. Their
makeup was perfectly applied to make their eyes smoky and their lips pouty. I always
wondered when someone decided