Free Remembering the Titanic by Diane Hoh

enjoyed a nice, romantic evening?
    It shocked her to realize that the last truly romantic evening she’d shared with Max had been … on the Titanic . Although they had been together many times during the year since they’d returned to New York, they were seldom alone. Nola was always there, always present. Even when they were alone, however briefly, it just wasn’t the same. The terrible events of that night lay between them, a chasm neither one of them seemed able to leap across. Would it ever go away? Or, like the icebergs no doubt still floating treacherously in the North Atlantic, would it always be there?
    It’s my fault, Elizabeth thought clearly. I’m the one who’s changed the most since we got back. On the ship, I had such plans, such dreams, and I was so determined to fulfill them. Max liked that, he applauded it. He wanted me to strike out on my own, though I had no idea how I would do that. He had done it, and he seemed so certain that I could, too, though he never understood just how difficult it would be. Still, he had faith in me, maybe more than I had in myself. Now, where are my plans? What have I done with them? Why don’t I have them anymore?
    Perhaps they had sunk with the Titanic .
    That thought disturbed Elizabeth. Because nothing that sank with the ship had been resurrected.
    “We must begin making plans for Atlantic City,” Nola said, pulling Elizabeth away from her thoughts. She spoke as if she had completely dismissed the humiliation of a daughter who fell asleep at the opera. “You know how busy the Marlborough is in July. And we wouldn’t want to stay anywhere else.”
    “I’m not going.” The words fell out of Elizabeth’s mouth. She hadn’t meant to say them, wasn’t even aware of having thought them, yet there they were.
    “ What did you say?”
    Elizabeth took a deep breath, let it out. “I said, I’m not going to Atlantic City. Or to the Jersey Shore or to Long Island. I’m not. I have … I have other things to do this summer.”
    Nola laughed, a harsh sound in the darkened interior of the car. “Such as, pray tell? You have no plans that I’m aware of.” The implication being that if Elizabeth did have plans, her mother would certainly know of them.
    “Well, that’s the problem, Mother, right there. The idea that I shouldn’t have any plans that you don’t know about. Like I have no life of my own. You just admitted as much.” They were within two minutes of the Murray Hill house. It wasn’t likely that the discussion would continue when they got home. Nola would go to her room, and tomorrow morning she’d be talking about Atlantic City again as if Elizabeth had never opened her mouth. “Don’t you think that’s rather sad, that an eighteen-year-old young woman has no life of her own?” Stupid question. Of course Nola didn’t think it was sad. She thought it was the way things should be. She liked it this way.
    “You have a very good life, Elizabeth. You might be more grateful.”
    That’s right, make me feel guilty, Elizabeth thought angrily. That always works. Aloud, she said, “But it’s your life I’m living, Mother. Why would you want your eighteen-year-old daughter living like a matron? Why would any mother?” Sorry, Max, she apologized silently, I’m borrowing your words. But she knew he wouldn’t mind. They were true, after all.
    True or not, Nola found them shocking. “Elizabeth! What a cruel thing to say! As if I haven’t always wanted the very best for you.” She shook her head and although Elizabeth couldn’t see them in the darkness, she was sure there were tears trembling on her mother’s lashes. “What has got into you suddenly? I thought you were quite content with our life. You seemed to be. It seems to me we’ve done very well, recovering from our horrible tragedy. Other women we know have not done nearly so well. Maxine Lewis never leaves her house, even though it’s been a year since she lost Gregory, and Trudy and Beth