Free Well Rocked by Clara Bayard Page A

followed.
    “Jesus, please not another lecture,” Dex said darkly as I climbed up and sat next to him.
    “I just wanted to see how you’re feeling.”
    “Terrible. But I’ll get a few shots in me and be fine.”
    “Don’t you think a good night’s sleep would be better?”
    “Bloody hell, Becca. Don’t you ever let up?”
    I gritted my teeth but didn’t speak.
    Dex groaned, pushed past me, and walked out of the van. He took a few steps and then turned back. “A million times I’ve told you you’re not on duty with me. I don’t need you to organize me, fix me. Why can’t you just be with me?”
    “I can. But this isn’t you.”
    “What if it is?”
    “Then I’ve been fighting to make us work for no reason. I know you’re hurting, but digging yourself a deeper hole isn’t going to help. You need to talk. To be surrounded with people who love you. You have to let us in.”
    He stared at me, and for a second his eyes softened. But just as quickly, they went cold again. “Not tonight I don’t,” he said, and walked away. It was becoming a pattern with us, and one I didn’t care for one bit.

Chapter Eight
    I didn’t wait up for him that night. And in the morning, when it was time to go to the airport, I didn’t expect him to show, and he didn’t. A part of me worried if he was dead in a ditch somewhere, but I knew he wasn’t. He was either still drinking, or sleeping it off somewhere.
    After making sure everyone else was prepared for the flight and saying a real goodbye to Liss, I took Ryan aside. For once, he actually listened to what I had to say.
    “Are you sure this is the right course of action?”
    I nodded. “I have to try, at least.”
    “All right. I’m trusting you with this. Keep me posted and we’ll work out the details.”
    “Thank you, Ryan. For believing me.”
    “I may not agree with all of your choices, Rebecca. But I acknowledge you know what you’re doing. So do it.”
    “I will.”
    He sighed and turned to get in the vehicle with the others. I stood in front of the hotel, watching as the van pulled away, and then went back upstairs.
    A few hours later the door opened and Dex came in.
    “Why are you still here?” he asked.
    “Waiting for you.”
    “I didn’t ask you to do that.”
    “No, you didn’t. Just like you didn’t ask me to smooth things over with Ryan and the other members of your band. But I did that too. Or assure your aunt that you’d be in touch soon. But I did.”
    “Why?”
    “Because I’m stupid. And a fool. I love you and there’s nothing I won’t do to help you, even when you won’t help yourself.”
    He pulled a bottle of something out of a pocket and took a swig. “Fuck, who knew when my mother died I’d get another.”
    “I’m not trying to mother you. I’m just giving you one last chance to keep from messing up your whole life in a way you can’t fix.”
    “You don’t know anything about my life.”
    “Fuck you, Dex. I know everything about your life. I am here. I have been here.”
    “Maybe I don’t want you here.”
    “Then tell me to go. Break up with me.”
    “No!”
    I approached him. “Why?”
    “I don’t know. I…I don’t want you gone. I just want you to stop.”
    “Stop what?”
    “Stop caring so much. Stop trying to make me well. I’m not. I’m sick. Poisoned from birth and slowly dying. And you can’t make that different. All you do is push and pull me, make me love you, need you. Make me want to be better. Be something you deserve. But I can’t.”
    He slammed a flat palm against the wall.
    “I can’t be anything but this. I’m a fuck-up. All I’ve ever been good at, aside from fucking up, is music. I can sing and play and write. So that’s what I do. And I’m good at it. But I’m not a good man and I never will be.” A sob escaped him and he turned away.
    I went over and put my hand on his shoulder, turning him around. “Don’t say that, Dex. You’re just in a bad place right