Free Well Rocked by Clara Bayard Page B

now.”
    “Not just now. Always. My whole life. And I won’t let you fall into this pit with me. I can’t. You’re the most wonderful thing in this fucking wasteland of a world and I won’t be what ruins you, too.”
    I took his hand and dragged him over to the bed. We sat down. “How long have you felt this way?”
    “Since the first time I saw you. God knows I tried to stay away. To let you be. But how could I? I’m weak. And I crave you like a drug, Becca. I live for the way your hair smells and how your hands feel on me. How your smile lights up a room and your voice reverberates through my bones. I’m hooked on every word you say. Every look you give me is a fix. I’m not strong enough to stay away from you. And you’re so brave.”
    His fingers graze my cheek.
    “I need you to end this. Get away from me before it’s too late.”
    Through the tears streaming down my face I smiled. “I won’t.”
    “Please. I’m begging you. I’ll never be happy without you but I won’t let you be miserable with me.”
    “Dex, you’re an idiot,” I said softly. “These weeks with you have been the happiest of my life. I spent so much time just going through the motions. Doing what I know, and getting by. All the pleasure and pain of this – us – has brought me to life. I wouldn’t trade any of it. And as long as you care about me, I’m not giving up on you. Or on us.”
    His shoulders began to shake, and he cried in earnest, collapsing against me. I wrapped my arms around the strong body that had held me, and curled up with him, limbs entwined, faces inches apart while he wept.
    I have no idea how long we stayed there like that. Only that when Dex finally sat up, my legs and arms ached from being in the same position so long. He gathered me close again and cupped my face in his hands.
    “I don’t know how to do this, Becca.”
    “Do what?”
    “Live a real life. Face my issues. I only know how to hide. But I’ve never been able to hide from you. You see me.”
    “I do. Better than you see yourself. You’re not weak, Dex. You’re scared. But I know you can get through this. Get better.”
    “See, that’s what scares me. The faith you have in me. I can’t stand to think about disappointing you. Hurting you.”
    “You’ve already done both. But I’m still here. Shit, Dex. We’re both a mess of bad histories and unsure futures. I don’t know if that’s something we can ever overcome completely. But I do know my life is better with you in it. And I know I’m willing to try, if you are.”
    “I am. I think. It’s just…”
    “Tell me.”
    “When we first got together, it felt like magic. Like I could be that guy, the one you see. But before long I was fucking up again. And that look on your face. It killed me. And so I just fucked up more. It’s all I know how to do.”
    “No it isn’t. You know how to be kind, and sweet and make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Those are superpowers, Dex. Not traits of a fuck-up.”
    “But what if I fail? What if I bollocks it all up again?”
    “Then we’ll fight. Yell, maybe not talk for a few days. But as long as we’re both alive there’s a chance to make it right.”
    He nodded. “Damn, you’re really smart.”
    “I know. So listen to me, okay?”
    “Okay.”
    I kissed his cheek and gripped one of his big hands between mine. “When I took this job, I was just hoping to work. Make some money and get back into the business that’s in my blood. I know you understand that. But touring with you guys, and falling in love with you changed all that. Just doing the job isn’t enough for me anymore. I don’t need everything to be orderly and on schedule. There are more important things than that.”
    “Like what?”
    “Like waking up next to you. The way your mouth feels against mine. How romantic it was to look out over all of Paris with you. How ridiculous that fancy dinner was. Every adventure I have, whether it is sitting at