Free Beyond Tantra: Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex by Mieke Wik, Stephan Wik Page A

feedback.
    Receiver: Give positive feedback when asked. Most likely you’ll find that it will take a few questions and answers back and forth to find out which particular stroke is just right.
    Positive Feedback Sample Dialogue
    What is positive feedback? It’s when you give someone information in a way that encourages them and supports them, even when you give information that could be perceived as criticism. An example of this is the difference between:

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    Beyond Tantra – Healing Through Taoist Sacred Sex
    ‘That’s not nice. Can you do something else?’
    and
    ‘Hmm, thanks, but could you move up and
    massage my shoulder a bit?’
    The difference is that you accentuate the positive and give clear instructions as to how to proceed to make the experience better. It can be quite disheartening to hear negative feedback (and a mood-killer as well) and it’s also much more efficient to tell someone what they can do to be successful rather than just tell them that they are a failure. Most people realize this, of course, but sometimes there are old, criticism-based feedback patterns that are hard to break.
    Giver: Once you’ve settled into something that works, just keep at it. Don’t change or stop unless, of course, The Receiver asks you to. Now, have a look at the clock and make a note of the position of the second hand. If after sixty seconds there has been no sound or statement, check in with The Receiver. If, after five minutes, you’re still on the same stroke, you can mention that you’re going to move to a new area and ask, again, if there is any place in particular that needs attention. The process of asking and listening as you touch is an important part of this exercise, as it builds trust.
    Note on Arousal
    If you discover that Sexual Qi is being aroused (even though the Giver should attempt to steer clear of any specifically sexual touch), say so. If the Receiver communicates that Sexual Qi is being aroused, it is an opportunity for the Giver to:
    •
    Note the spot/stroke for future reference
    •
    Slowly pull back from what you are doing Giver: Carry on with the massage and feedback. A neat tip that Mieke taught me is always to keep one hand touching the Receiver. So, if you want to move from one side of the Receiver’s body to the other, you simply keep one hand lightly resting on the Receiver’s back. This keeps the connection and avoids the

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    Practising Sacred Touch – Tension Release Excercise 65
    shock of having a hand suddenly placed somewhere else on their body.
    The real exercise is to learn how to communicate about touch and sensation.
    This exercise touches on many of the fundamentals of Sacred Sex: trust, respect, communication, sensitivity and safety.
    After fifteen minutes (or longer, but no longer than half an hour) it’s time for the Receiver to turn over. First, take a towel and wipe down their back and then let them turn over in their own time. If they have really relaxed they might even have dozed off a bit. You can gently wake them by gently dragging the tops of your fingers up and down their back.
    Now continue with up to half an hour of massage on the front of the body, the same way as you did on the back. Most people are a bit more sensitive around their stomach and chest areas so you will want to proceed gently and cautiously.
    At the end of the front massage, wipe the Receiver down with a towel again.
    Receiver: At this point, you might wish to give the Giver a hug and a ‘Thank You’ for all the love and attention that you have been given.
    Now it’s time to reverse roles as Giver becomes Receiver and Receiver becomes Giver.
    At the end of the exercise, take a moment to sit quietly for a second and feel how nice it is to be relaxed and comfortable in each other’s company.
    We’ve discovered that regular massages, even very short ones like a little shoulder rub, have made a huge difference to the