Free Bound and Determined by Jane Davitt, Alexa Snow Page B

him and bent to scoop up his clothes,
    holding them in front of him like protection. “I'm sorry.”

    Bound and Determined
    37

    Owen shook his head, his face tight with exasperation that sent a chill
    over Sterling, making throwing up seem like a very real possibility. He hated
    seeing that expression on Owen's face, directed at him, but when Owen spoke,
    some of his misery abated as he realized just who Owen was annoyed with.
    “Don't be. I'm the one who fucked up here, not you, and I'm the one who's
    sorry. I let you rush me, and that's unforgivable, but it's so easy to forget—
    never mind.” He gestured at the clothes Sterling held. “Get dressed and sit
    down. I'm going to get you a glass of water.”
    “No,” Sterling said. “Please.” He didn't know what was happening exactly,
    and he didn't know how to make it better, but he did know that he didn't
    actually want this to stop, he just wanted to know there'd be a point at which it
    would stop. He was trembling like his mother did whenever she saw a spider,
    phobic, terrified, and he didn't want Owen to leave him there alone.
    It wasn't Owen he was afraid of.
    “I don't want to stop.” He'd broken out in a cold sweat. “I—please. I want
    to, I do.”
    “You did ,” Owen corrected him, “but something changed, and I need to
    know what it was. I don't know you well enough to work it out for myself yet, so
    you're going to have to talk to me.” He reached out and took Sterling's hand,
    clasping it in his with a brief, reassuring squeeze and leaving Sterling clutching
    his clothes to him awkwardly, one-handed, not sure what to do with them.
    Owen solved that problem for him by releasing his hand and pointing at the
    floor. “Drop them there if you really don't want to get dressed, and tell me if
    you change your mind about that.”
    “I don't know,” Sterling whispered. Did he want to get dressed? Not really,
    but maybe he'd feel less bare if he did. That was how he felt, laid open and
    showing all his secrets to the world. Only he wasn't, because Owen couldn't
    read his mind. But he could choose to give Owen that, to give Owen everything,
    all of himself.
    He didn't have to, but he could.
    He dropped his clothes and let his arms hang limply at his sides.
    “I can't bottom,” he said quietly, knowing it didn't have to be loud because
    Owen was listening. “I've tried, but I can't. It's too—I just can't.” He couldn't
    look at Owen, either.
    “There's a reason I said we were going to do this without sex, at least
    initially,” Owen said calmly. “And it wasn't just out of a desire to see you suffer,
    though I admit I'd probably enjoy that more than a little.” He tapped his finger
    under Sterling's chin. “Look at me, please. Yes, that's better.” Sterling could
    feel his face heat, a blush rising as he stared at the wavering outline of Owen's
    face. “I think we'll continue this conversation sitting—or at least I will be.”
    Owen turned and walked the few feet back to his chair and sat down,
    leaving Sterling stranded in what felt like a lot of space. “Kneel down beside

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    Jane Davitt & Alexa Snow

    me,” Owen said, throwing him a lifeline. “Knees together, hands behind your
    back, facing the fire.”
    It was strange how obeying Owen's order made him feel better, and as he
    knelt, Sterling thought that somehow, deep down, he'd known that this was
    what he needed. He faced the fire like Owen had told him to, made sure his
    knees were together, then put his hands behind his back. He wasn't sure if he
    was supposed to clasp them together or what; then he remembered the way
    Carol had crossed her wrists, and he did that.
    And waited.
    “You look happier now,” Owen said and touched Sterling's hair, a light,
    fleeting contact. “Good.” He settled back in his chair, his elbow on the arm of it,
    and propped his chin on his hand, staring thoughtfully at Sterling. “I'm pleased
    that you trusted me enough to tell me that, and I