Free Nothing Left to Lose by Kirsty Moseley

long enough for me to fall in
love with it before he drowned it in the pool for peeing on the
carpet. Every night in my dreams I see him kill Jack. He was
murdered because of me. Did it say any of that in my file?” I asked
venomously. “Do you want to know what hurts me the most everyday?
The fact that I would have gone with him willingly if he would have
just let Jack go. I would go through that for the rest of my life
if it meant Jack could have lived. He didn’t deserve to die,
especially not because of me,” I whispered, unable to keep the
tears away any longer.
    “Anna, I’m so
sorry,” Ashton croaked, stepping forward and wrapping his arms
around me.
    I sobbed
uncontrollably against his chest as his arms tightened around me.
I’d never told anyone that; I’d refused to give the police any
details, just the basic facts. I didn’t want to press charges
against him because I couldn’t talk about it; I couldn’t tell
anyone what he’d done to me. And that was the first time I’d ever
mentioned the fact that I’d had a miscarriage.
    When I finally
managed to calm myself, he pulled away and looked at me tenderly;
his eyes were soft and warm and filled with compassion. “I’m sorry
this happened to you, but I promise he won’t ever hurt you again,”
he said fiercely, his jaw becoming tight.
    I shook my head
at his words. “Don’t worry, Ashton, he can’t hurt me anymore, no
one can. I have nothing left to lose,” I said honestly.
    This seemed to
upset him, and a pained look crossed his face. “Don’t say that, I
can’t hear that,” he whispered, looking at me pleadingly. I pushed
him away and stalked to the bathroom, locking myself in and taking
another shower to try and rid myself of the dirty feeling that
always crept over me when I thought about Carter.
     
     
     

Chapter
Five
     
     
    When I got out
of the shower, I felt much better. It actually felt good to have
said all of that out loud, for someone to finally know some of what
I went through. I never thought it would, but saying the words out
loud took some of the anger away that was always boiling just under
the surface.
    I sat on my bed
wrapped in my towel. So far, Ashton had been nothing but nice to
me, and I’d repaid him by blurting out all of that horrible stuff
and being a bitch to him. My gaze fell on my drawer that housed my
swimwear. I chewed on my lip. I somehow felt like I owed him
something – and he wanted to see the lake. Maybe, just for today, I
could cut him some slack. It would be nice to take in some
sunshine, and I loved the lake too.
    I sighed as I
made up my mind. Gripping my hair, I scraped it back into a messy
bun before heading over to my drawers and pulling out my black, all
in one swimsuit. After slipping it on, I covered it with a pair of
baggy jeans and a long tee.
    When I knocked
on Ashton’s bedroom door I heard bedsprings creak from inside
before he opened it, seeming surprised to see me.
    I smiled
awkwardly. “Hi.”
    “Hi,” he
replied softly. He still looked upset.
    I took a deep
breath. “So, I’m sorry I went off on one at you. I shouldn’t have
said all those things to you, that wasn’t fair of me, so I
apologise.”
    He smiled
weakly. “You don’t have to apologise, Anna. I want you to be able
to tell me things and trust me with it. I promise I won’t say
anything to anyone if you don’t want me to.”
    I nodded.
“Thanks. Well, I was wondering if you still wanted to go for that
swim.” I winced, waiting for him to tell me to take a hike or
something for being such a bitch to him. Instead, he grinned and
his whole face lit up.
    “Yeah, I do,”
he said cheerfully.
    “Okay, well
I’ve asked Sarah to take you,” I teased, laughing.
    “Ha ha, you’re
hilarious,” he muttered sarcastically, reaching for my hand and
giving me a tug into his bedroom.
    I glanced at
the bed; the pillows were propped up against the headboard, and my
book was face down on the middle of the bed. I grinned