Free Writing Movies For Fun And Profit! by Thomas Lennon, Robert B Garant

park at any of the PUBLIC PARKING options on RobertsonBoulevard between Beverly and 3rd Street. (Careful if you park in front of the Ivy; Lindsay Lohan sometimes crashes cars there. * )
    Then KEEP YOUR EYES PEELED, HE’S HARD TO SPOT! (Just kidding, he’s a six-foot-tall dude with a beard on roller skates whose balls you can pretty much see.)
    Enjoy!
    Why not make an afternoon of seeing “Crazy Robertson” and get a quick bite at any of the top-notch restaurants nearby:
The Ivy. Where they have lunch in
Get Shorty
and Danny DeVito orders stuff that’s not on the menu.
chaya Brasserie. Incredibly hip; the hostess usually looks like a professional model, only slightly hotter.
Newsroom Cafe. So “L.A.” that it’s almost annoying. Try the Blue Corn Waffle or the whatever Sambazon Acai is or even the Hemp Granola, you fruitcake!
     

11
THE ART OF NODDING OR HOW TO TAKE NOTES
     
    Great news! They read your script, and now the studio (or producer) has some notes! Fun! Wait … not fun. Notes means there are things they didn’t like in your script, which, as we all know, is f#@king perfect . But—they’re the ones paying you, so yes, you have to do the notes. Remember, it’s not your script. It’s theirs. They bought it from you. For lots of money.
N.B.: *
     
Notes you do for a studio = You get paid to do
Notes you do for a producer = A “producer’s draft”
    And for a producer’s draft you DON’T GET PAID, ever. And the producer can give you a ton of notes, and you have to do them all for free! Another reason that having an outside producer on your script can be next to useless. There is an art to nodding and smiling while they tear your script to pieces.
    Taking notes is easy, but it takes a bit of practice and a Jedi level of control over your ego.
    Here are the steps to doing it right and getting hired again and again (and subsequently getting as rich as a low-level sultan!)
Rule 1. ACTUALLY TAKE NOTES. Meaning: WRITE DOWN WHAT THEY SAY. Don’t just sit there listening like a turd, write down everything that they say, and do it for two reasons: One, KEEPING YOUR HANDS BUSY LIKE THIS WILL HELP PREVENT YOU FROM MAKING THE “RAGE FACES” THAT YOU WILL BE INCLINED TO MAKE WHEN YOU HEAR THEIR CRAPPY IDEAS. And two, you will remember and incorporate far more of their notes if you’ve written them down. Most studio heads will be VERY HAPPY if in your next draft you include a literal line or phrase that they said during the notes meeting. For example: If the studio head says, “I feel like our main character is a guy who never appreciated the things in his life that are right under his nose,” your next draft should include dialogue like this:
    RICK
    Until that genie made me switch lives with that ol’ basset hound, I never appreciated the things in my life that were right under my nose. *
     
Yes, it can be that literal . It will show that you understood, and you will be hired again, and the studio will love it. No joke.
Rule 2. Listen. And show them you’re listening by nodding. Subtle but steady nodding is a nice subconscious way that people feel like you are agreeing with them, and that you respect what they’re saying. Practice nodding and looking relaxed when you’re REALLY ANNOYED, and you’ll become a good note taker. After you leave the room, they’ll say, “I like that guy. We should let him take a look at our
Basset Hound/Switcheroo
picture.”
Rule 3. WHEN THEY’RE RIGHT—AGREE, AND IMPROVE UPON THE IDEA. Subdue your ego. Be the first person to support someone else’s good idea. Hell, let the studio president feel like your idea is HER idea. Who cares, if it moves the script forward? Remember, your job is to help them keep THEIR job.

     
Rule 4. WHEN THEY’RE WRONG—LET YOUR DISAGREEMENT BE QUIET AND THOUGHTFUL. Don’t be argumentative; it’s way too easy to get fired. Be thoughtful. Practice turning your “mad” face into a “I’m thinking about it” face.
Tell them that