Free Like a Lover by Jay Northcote

stupid and angry with himself for letting his feelings
get out of control.
    “No.” It
came out sharply. Maybe if he said it forcefully enough, he could convince
himself. “I don’t have time for a relationship, and anyway, it’s too late. He’s
paying me to fuck him. That’s not a good starting point for anything more
meaningful, is it?” His attempt to make it sound like a joke fell flat, and the
words came out sounding more bitter than he’d intended.
    “Maybe you
should stop seeing him if it’s messing with your head?” she suggested.
    “Yeah,
perhaps. It’s good money, though. Regular client, easy job. Getting paid to
fuck someone who’s hot and good in bed? I’m living the dream.”
    He snorted,
managing to sound more convincing that time. He finally met Dani’s eyes, but
she wasn’t smiling. She frowned, thoughtful and concerned.
    “Just be careful,
Josh.”
    “I always
am.”
    There was
an awkward silence. Josh was full of nervous energy now. Rather than reassuring
him or helping him find a solution, the conversation with Dani had thrown all
the things he’d been trying not to think about into the spotlight.
    “I need
some exercise,” he said, unfolding himself from the sofa and stretching. “I’m
gonna go for a swim.”
     
     
    On Saturday
morning Josh was ridiculously nervous. He almost texted Rupert several times to
cancel, but each time he hadn’t been able to press Send. He knew right down to
his bones that this was a bad idea, but he didn’t care. The overriding desire
to see Rupert wiped out all his instincts for self-preservation.
    Josh had
spent almost four years only doing things he needed to do. He’d worked every
spare hour in crappy jobs and studied late into the night in order to put
himself through college and finally get the grades he needed to go to uni. Then
he’d started working as an escort as a means to an end. All his focus had been
on escaping his background and earning himself the future he craved: a job that
paid decent money, independence, choices. Those things were the bright shining
light at the end of the tunnel, and Josh had been prepared to make any
sacrifice necessary to get there. One of the sacrifices had been the
possibility of a relationship. Until he met Rupert, that had seemed like a
small price to pay.
    Josh wasn’t
stupid. He knew this wasn’t a real date. But it was something different to what
he usually allowed himself, and he was going to take it.
    It was a
glorious sunny afternoon as he left the house to meet Rupert. The sky was the
deep, perfect blue of early summer with just a few puffy white clouds. Warm,
but not too hot. Josh’s spirits rose like the seagulls riding the air currents
above him as he walked.
    He spotted
Rupert waiting outside the Arts Centre for him, and his heart did a happy
little skip as Rupert smiled and raised a hand to greet him. When Josh reached
him, Rupert drew him into a hug and brushed a swift kiss over his cheek.
    “Hi.”
Rupert looked as awkward as Josh felt, and that was oddly reassuring.
    “Hi.”
Josh’s cheek still tingled where Rupert’s soft lips and rough stubble had
touched it.
    “Shall we?”
Rupert held open the door for Josh.
    Inside, the
gallery was quiet and cool. They strolled around admiring the display of glass
items and sculptures, all handblown by a local artist.
    “These are
gorgeous,” Rupert said. “I think my mother might like something like this.” He
pointed to a glass sphere about the size of the palm of his hand. It was
displayed in a place where it caught the light coming through the window and
lit up the patterns of blue, turquoise, and white that rippled and swelled
inside the clear glass. “It looks like waves, and she loves the ocean.”
    “It’s
beautiful,” Josh agreed.
    “And it’s
unique. I think it’s perfect.”
    Decision
made, Rupert went to talk to the person at the desk about purchasing it.
Meanwhile Josh carried on looking at the other items on display.