Free Eternally Yours by Brenda Jackson

you think that’s what he’ll be doing?” Without giving Lorren a chance to reply, Syneda continued as her mouth curved into a smile, “Then there’s no reason for me to feel guilty about using him, as well.”
    For the first time since the conversation she’d had with Justin the night before, Lorren gave serious thought to the possibility that Justin could be right. Her concern just might be directed at the wrong person. “What do you mean by that?”
    Syneda leaned forward in her chair and met Lorren’s level stare. “I’ve figured out what’s been happening to me for the past few months.”
    “What?”
    “I’m going through an emotional meltdown. Maybe it stems from the type of cases I’ve been handling lately or the fact that I’m approaching thirty in a couple of years. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m sick and tired of being self-reliant, practical and levelheaded. This sister,” she said, pointing at herself, “wants a new attitude.”
    “And you think messing around with Clayton is the answer?”
    Syneda smiled. “No, but it’s better than thinking seriously about getting my nose pierced, putting a tattoo somewhere on my body or shaving my head.”
    Lorren couldn’t help grinning. “Why not get married? You could have with Marcus. That’s what he wanted.”
    “But that’s not what I wanted. I don’t love him. I’m not in love with any man, and I’m certainly not interested in getting married. I think of a wedding ring as a neon sign flashing the words, ‘You no longer have a life of your own.”’
    “That’s not true. Look at me and Justin, and Dex and Caitlin. No marriage is perfect, Syneda, and it sure doesn’t make everything else in your life automatically fall into place. Nor is it a protection against career crises, economic disaster or loneliness. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”
    “Yeah, you say that now, but I can remember a time when you wouldn’t have. Your marriage to Scott was the pits.”
    “True, but it’s the opposite with Justin. That just goes to show miracles can happen.”
    “But I don’t want a miracle in my life, Lorren, nor do I need one. All I want out of life is happiness, namely mine. I don’t want to be responsible for anyone else’s. Nor do I want a man to become my other half. I just want to become my entire whole self, and I think I’ll start with an affair.”
    Lorren sighed. “But why with Clayton?”
    “Why not with Clayton? I like him, I trust him and I’ve recently discovered I’m attracted to him. Isn’t that enough?”
    “What do you think, Syneda? Will affairs be all you’ll ever want?”
    “Possibly.”
    “I don’t believe this! You sound just like Clayton. His attitude on life seems to have rubbed off on you. I ought to say that the two of you deserve each other, but I can’t. I want you to want more.”
    “But I can’t allow myself to want more. Every time I feel myself wanting more, I remember Mama and how she died believing in a man who didn’t come through for her or for me,” Syneda replied quietly.
    Lorren sighed deeply. She was among the few people who knew the situation regarding Syneda and her father. “All men aren’t the same. For example, there’s no comparison between Justin and Scott. One day you’ll meet someone who’s your soul mate, Syneda. Just like Adam was to Eve, like Ruby Dee was to Ozzie Davis, like—”
    “Beauty was to the Beast?” Syneda cut in.
    Lorren laughed. “Yes, just like Beauty was to the Beast. And like Prince Charming was to Cinderella, like—”
    “I get the picture, Lorren.”
    “I hope you do, Syneda. I honestly hope you do.”

    Clayton glanced at his watch for perhaps the one hundredth time since he had awakened that morning to find Syneda gone. It was now four o’clock. Where were they? What he had told Justin earlier that day had been the truth. He could wring Lorren’s neck.
    He stood on the terrace drinking a glass of wine and staring moodily at