Free SSC (2004) The Complete Stories of Truman Capote by Truman Capote Page A

walked in at exactly that moment, she might never have been caught. She got scared that I would tell Eunice and blurted out the whole thing, said it wasn’t fair to keep one of God’s creatures locked up that way, besides which she couldn’t stand Mrs. Harry Steller Smith’s singing. Well, I felt kind of sorry for her and she gave me two dollars, so I helped her cook up a story for Eunice. Of course I wouldn’t have taken the money except I thought it would ease her conscience.
    The very
first
words Eunice said when I stepped inside this house were, “So this is what you ran off behind our back and married, Marge?”
    Marge says, “Isn’t he the best-looking thing, Aunt Eunice?”
    Eunice eyes me u-p and d-o-w-n and says, “Tell him to turn around.”
    While my back is turned, Eunice says, “You sure must’ve picked the runt of the litter. Why, this isn’t any sort of man at all.”
    I’ve never been so taken back in my life! True, I’m slightly stocky, but then, I haven’t got my full growth yet.
    “He is too,” says Marge.
    Olivia-Ann, who’s been standing there with her mouth so wide the flies could buzz in and out, says, “You heard what Sister said. He’s not any sort of a man whatsoever. The very idea of this little runt running around claiming to be a man! Why, he isn’t even of the male sex!”
    Marge says, “You seem to forget, Aunt Olivia-Ann, that this is my husband, the father of my unborn child.”
    Eunice made a nasty sound like only she can and said, “Well, all I can say is I most certainly wouldn’t be bragging about it.”
    Isn’t that a nice welcome? And after I gave up my perfectly swell position clerking at the Cash ’n’ Carry.
    But it’s not a drop in the bucket to what came later that same evening. After Bluebell cleared away the supper dishes, Marge asked, just as nice as she could, if we could borrow the car and drive over to the picture show at Phoenix City.
    “You must be clear out of your head,” says Eunice, and, honest, you’d think we’d asked for the kimono off her back.
    “You must be clear out of your head,” says Olivia-Ann.
    “It’s six o’clock,” says Eunice, “and if you think I’d let that runt drive my just-as-good-as-brand-new 1934 Chevrolet as far as the privy and back, you must’ve gone clear out of your head.”
    Naturally such language makes Marge cry.
    “Never you mind, honey,” I said, “I’ve driven pulenty of Cadillacs in my time.”
    “Humf,” says Eunice.
    “Yeah,” says I.
    Eunice says, “If he’s ever so much as driven a plow, I’ll eat a dozen gophers fried in turpentine.”
    “I won’t have you refer to my husband in any such manner,” says Marge. “You’re acting simply outlandish! Why, you’d think I’d picked up some absolutely strange man in some absolutely strange place.”
    “If the shoe fits, wear it!” says Eunice.
    “Don’t think you can pull the sheep over our eyes,” says Olivia-Annin that braying voice of hers so much like the mating call of a jackass you can’t rightly tell the difference.
    “We weren’t born just around the corner, you know,” says Eunice.
    Marge says, “I’ll give you to understand that I’m legally wed till death do us part to this man by a certified justice of the peace as of three and one-half months ago. Ask anybody. Furthermore, Aunt Eunice, he is free, white and sixteen. Furthermore, George Far Sylvester does not appreciate hearing his father referred to in any such manner.”
    George Far Sylvester is the name we’ve planned for the baby. Has a strong sound, don’t you think? Only the way things stand I have positively no feelings in the matter now whatsoever.
    “How can a girl have a baby with a girl?” says Olivia-Ann, which was a calculated attack on my manhood. “I do declare there’s something new every day.”
    “Oh, shush up,” says Eunice. “Let us hear no more about the picture show in Phoenix City.”
    Marge sobs, “Oh-h-h, but it’s Judy