Free Dirty Kiss by Rhys Ford

of the brush.
     
    “Not a word to anyone,” I replied, running the tip of my finger over my mouth in a show of silence.
     
    “Mr. Kim knew his son was iban. It wasn’t a surprise to him. Maybe the mother didn’t know, but the father did.” Emotions flitted in her moist, dark eyes. Whatever Scarlet was thinking, it wasn’t just about Hyun-Shik. “A lot of fathers try to help their sons in some way. Mr. Kim probably thought that a membership for Hyun-Shik would be a good idea.”
     
    “Membership gets you what upstairs?”
     
    “Dorthi Ki Seu membership only gets you upstairs. You have to pay for everything else.” She kept her attention on her hair, brushing at tangles. “You can get a lot of things upstairs: drinks, drugs, and boys. Most men go up there for the boys, but they do other things too.”
     
    “Hyun-Shik’s father was okay with him spending money on that?”
     
    “Maybe he thought if Hyun-Shik had a place to… dabble.” She paused, thinking of how to phrase something. “Dabble is a good word. If he dabbled upstairs, he wouldn’t be out cruising like some of the others his age. No one sees what happens upstairs. No one comments. Everyone’s reputation is safe, and everyone is happy.”
     
    “Hyun-Shik couldn’t have been too happy,” I commented. “He killed himself upstairs.”
     
    “Most men come here because they’re sad inside, and for a little while, they can pretend that loving men is normal. In here, it is normal.” The brush stilled, caught in the length of her hair. “I am so lucky, honey. I have a man who loves me, but he cannot love me in the sunlight. Not if others are around. Most of the men here don’t have that kind of freedom. They cannot even love in the darkness. Hyun-Shik was one of those men.”
     
    “But in here, he was normal,” I murmured. The walls held too many secrets, hidden things that crackled over my skin. To me it was simple. I was going to be who I needed to be to survive. Not being gay wasn’t an option. It wasn’t easy, but it was better than living a lie.
     
    “Why get married if you’re—” I was cut off by Scarlet’s trilling laugh.
     
    “Ah, so easy for you, honey. Everything is black and white.” She worked at the hair at her neck. “Asian men have to get married. It’s what they do. You are born, go to school, then you get married. Next, you have children, then take care of your parents while you bully your children through school. After you are done with that, it’s your time to be taken care of. Everything is a cycle.”
     
    “So he got married and kept coming back to get himself off? Maybe just enough to blow some steam?”
     
    “It’s common. Usually after the first child, maybe the second. It depends on the man.” Her shrug was a practiced, elegant lift. “Some men never come back. Duty to the family comes first for most Asian men, and shame can make a man go against what he wants.”
     
    “Did he have a regular? Did Hyun-Shik see someone here all the time?”
     
    “He came to visit Jin-Sang Yi.” She spelled it for me as I took out my notebook. “Hyun-Shik didn’t visit as much after he got married, but when he did, he usually had Jin-Sang sent to him.”
     
    “Any of the other boys get jealous about that?”
     
    “No, it’s very… practical upstairs.” Scarlet moved on to another section. “Well, sometimes. I think Jin-Sang would be upset if Hyun-Shik didn’t send for him, but that’s probably because of the money. I can’t say it was for love. Upstairs boys make a lot of money, baby.”
     
    “How much is a lot of money?”
     
    “The popular ones can make about five thousand a night, depending on what they’re being paid for.”
     
    “Five grand?” I was in the wrong business. Catching a glimpse of my face in the vanity, I didn’t think I could pull in that kind of cash. “Jin-Sang is one of the popular ones?”
     
    “Popular enough, I think.” She shrugged. “Sometimes a new boy