Free Against All Odds by Angie McKeon

middle of the living room, and a cry explodes from his chest.
    He’s struggling. Barely hanging on.
    He swallows hard, bringing his eyes to mine. “Baby,” he chokes, hoarsely. “I’m sorry I can’t give you what you need. I want to. God, you have no idea how much it hurts me to see you like this. It’s just… I have some things going on that I can’t talk about right now. Please, just give us time.”
    My eyes close as my heart rejects his words. I’m tired, but I want to feel him one last time before I leave. So I walk over to him and curl myself in his lap.
    In his arms, I cry…
    I cry for every moment of loss and pain. I cry for our child. The child who became the center of my world. The one I didn’t even get a minute to cherish. I cry for letting him down and the way our relationship now stands. I sob until the tears run out. Then I get up, my body exhausted, and turn to get my stuff and leave.
    As I’m exiting the room, I glance back. “I’m sorry I let you down.” My voice is numb, my body detached. “I knew when you came home after the funeral that I was wrong. I knew I needed to fix things, but you’ve shut me out every day since. I love you with all my heart, with every bone in my body, but I won’t let you hurt us like this. I need you. I need something to ease this ache. I don’t know how to fix us. But something has to change. Maybe we need a break, I don’t know. Time to figure out how to heal, how to be with each other without breaking our hearts. You need time, and that’s fine. I need to figure myself out, so I guess I need time too.”
    I walk out of the living room, not allowing him to respond, feeling as if I’ve left my heart behind. I enter the bedroom, slam the door, and sink to the floor. With no tears left in my body, I tremble violently as cold seeps into every part of my soul.
    I hear Cooper sobbing. Then things break and glass shatters. A loud, dark bellow penetrates the air, so guttural and soul piercing that I begin to heave.
    I know in this moment that we’re fucked. Our lives are fucked. We’re too tortured to face these problems. Our hearts aren’t just broken—they’re shattered, the splintered pieces never to be whole again.

 
     
     
    Shaken up, I come back to reality and find that I am curled on the sofa with Grayson trying to console me. I’m sure he thinks I’ve lost my mind. He’s bundled me in a throw and is running his hand gently through my hair.
    “What happened, Ky? You blanked and almost passed out.”
    “I’m sorry,” I mummer, trying to regain my composure.
    “What’s going on? You want to tell me what happened? The house is a wreck.”
    “Not really,” I whisper.
    He searches my face, as if contemplating whether to push the issue. I can tell he wants to dig deeper to make it go away. That’s just him. He’s a fixer. But I don’t want to talk. My stomach flips at the intensity with which he’s looking at me.
    I noticed a change with Gray in Key West. He wants more, wants to be more, and that’s unnerving. Being here, in this house, reminds me of Cooper. I don’t want to damage my marriage any more than I already have. I love Gray, but I should be careful. I’m confused by him, by his willingness to hurt his best friend. Did something happen with him and Coop? Has their friendship taken a turn I don’t know about? Something feels off …
    The light in his aqua eyes shows me his feelings run deeper than I care to see or even think about.
    He smiles. “Okay, I won’t push. We can have this conversation later. Let’s just relax and have some fun. I want you to sit tight and let me clean up.”
    “I’m sorry, Grayson,” I whisper. “I shouldn’t have brought you here. I don’t know what I was thinking. I assumed it would be cleaned up. We can just leave. Why don’t we go someplace else?” God, I’m embarrassed.
    “Kylie.”
    The way he says my name—low, almost in warning—catches me off guard.
    “Don’t do that.