Free Deep by Bates A.L. Page B

punched him in the arm, hard.
    “Ow! What was that for?”
    “For being an idiot. What the hell are you doing?”
    “Having my own personal crisis. Now fuck off so I can do it properly.”
    “This about Sean?”
    Joel ground his teeth.
    Mia groaned in exasperation. “Have you tried apologizing?”
    “Actually, little sister, I have, and it didn’t work, so screw you. Now give me back my booze.”
    “No.” She lifted the bottle in the air and poured the liquid onto the floor.
    “You bitch! What did you do that for?”
    “This isn’t helping. And I know about the other bottles, so if you want them to stay intact you’ll start talking.”
    Joel lamented at the puddle of liquor. “You’re a real piece of work.”
    Mia fixed him with her no-bullshit stare.
    “Fine. I guess I’m having a gay crisis.”
    “Okay. You want to talk about it?”
    “No, I want to drink myself to sleep, but since you’ve taken that from me....” He took a steadying breath. “You know I’ve never, you know, with a man before.”
    She nodded and settled herself into the opposite seat, ready for the difficult chat.
    “Well, now I have,” he said.
    “And you’re questioning whether that makes you less of a man?”
    He glowered at her. “What the hell kind of question is that? Of course not. Just because a guy happens to like another guy doesn’t make him any less of a man. You less of a woman because you’re bedding a man who still sleeps with a nightlight on?”
    She ignored the insult. “So you do like Sean?”
    “Of course I like him. Wouldn’t keep him on the ship if I didn’t.”
    “You know what I mean. You
like
him.”
    Joel wasn’t uncomfortable with the question. He was a simple man at heart, and he preferred to look at things as straightforwardly as possible. “Yeah, I like him. I really like him. More than I’ve liked anyone in a long while. But it doesn’t matter, because he doesn’t like me.”
    “Don’t be so stupid. The doc has been crazy about you since he boarded.”
    “Then why is he leaving?”
    “Leaving?”
    “What are you, an echo? Yes. He’s leaving. Said what happened was a mistake and he can’t stay here anymore.”
    Mia sat back, surprised. “Have you told him how you feel?”
    “Mia, I shoved my tongue down his throat. I think I made it pretty obvious.”
    “Thanks for that mental picture. Look, you know what the doc is like. He isn’t exactly the sharpest when it comes to working out what’s going on around here.” She pushed back her hair and watched the ripples of indigo light up the blackness in the cockpit window. “Do you want him to go?”
    “Of course I don’t.”
    “Then why are you letting him?”
    “Because I can’t keep him here against his will! I’m a lot of things, but I’m not that guy.”
    “Joel, you have made Sean’s life difficult since the day he arrived here. Why the hell would you make his leaving easy?”
    He hated to admit it, but she was right. When Sean arrived on
Ariel
, Joel had taken particular delight in pushing the doctor until he lost his temper. The boy could drive Joel crazy, and to retaliate, Joel would do anything he could to wind the doctor up. That was how they worked together: two men so intent on their own will they butted heads at every opportunity.
    “Joel Riley is a fighter and he doesn’t let the things he loves go.”
    “I can’t make him stay if he doesn’t want to. I’m not holding him against his will.”
    “No, but you can make him know that you want him to stay. Maybe that’s enough to change his mind. You two snipe at each other, you argue, but you both want the same things. You always have. You both want to take care of the ship and the crew. I know he doesn’t truly want to leave; he loves it here too much. But he’s scared, Joel. He’s scared of what you will think of him and how you’ll treat him.”
    Joel frowned. “I’ll treat him right, you know I will.”
    “I do, but he doesn’t. You have to show