Free Reconciled for Easter by Noelle Adams Page A

problem.
    A tight shuddering had begun inside her, slowly spreading out through her body.
    “Abigail?” Lorraine prompted. “Did you want to respond?”
    She took several breaths before she spoke. “I know you’re not my father. The main issue isn’t even my job. That’s just a symptom of something deeper. And I still feel like you have no idea what the deeper thing is, no matter how many times I’ve tried to tell you.”
    Thomas held her eyes, looking tense and overly controlled—almost stoic. “Then tell me again.”
    Abigail made herself say it. “I feel like you see me only as a wife and not as a whole person, so you’re never happy when I’m not the wife you always wanted.”
    “What the hell—” Thomas cut off his initial reaction, controlling himself even before Lorraine broke in. He visibly calmed down before he continued, “I don’t see how you can possibly say that, after everything I’ve done for you.”
    Abigail just stared at him, her heart aching in her chest.
    When she didn’t respond, Thomas went on, “I don’t see how you can possibly believe that. I moved here because of you. I gave up my career because of you. I sacrificed everything because you wanted me to—because you didn’t think you had enough. What else do you want me to give up for you? Exactly how much do you want me to suffer until you think I’ve suffered enough?”
    He’d slowly lost his grip on his emotions as he was speaking, and she knew the words pouring out now were the absolute expression of his heart.
    He believed it. He believed that she had no genuine reason to be discontent—that their marriage had been mostly fine and that she was blowing little things out of proportion.
    The truth of it hit her so hard she was blinded, choked by it. She hugged her arms to her chest to try to hold the emotion in.
    He thought she was making him jump through a series of hoops and he should now be rewarded for accomplishing them.
    “You...” She cleared her throat as the word strangled in her throat. “You really think that about me?”
    “We both know very well that it’s true.”
    His voice was hard and cold, but her vision was blurred so she couldn’t see his face.
    “Okay,” she managed to say, staring down at her hands. “Okay. That’s really what you believe. I’m the problem. You’ve done nothing wrong, and the problem really is that I’m not good enough. I’m selfish, irrational, and demanding.”
    “I’m not saying that. I know I made mistakes before, but I’ve fixed them. I’ve fixed them. And now there’s nothing else I can do.”
    She lifted her head to see him, and they might as well have been strangers.
    He didn’t know her at all—he didn’t understand any of what she’d gone through over the last six years, all the ways she’d grown to understand herself more, to understand God’s love more, to understand that life was more than constantly striving to clean herself up.
    He didn’t believe he could do anything better than he was doing right now. He didn’t know how much she was hurting. He thought she was just making a fuss over nothing.
    Even as she heard Lorraine breaking in, telling Thomas that he should try to listen to what he’d just said, how it implied a marriage was nothing more than a series of tasks to perform, Abigail was suddenly so exhausted that she wasn’t sure how she could take the next breath.
    They’d been in counseling for what felt like ages, and they clearly weren’t any farther along than they’d been at the beginning.
    It was never going to be over, never going to get better, never going to get to a place where they didn’t have to desperately struggle for every step forward they took.
    He was never going to really hear her, and she was never going to be able to be who he wanted.
    Thomas sat just a few feet away from her, but it felt like there were vast endless miles between them.
    Then there were more words out of the darkness, coming from even farther