Free Acrobaddict by Joe Putignano

school, and everyone at my new school seemed to believe gymnastics was not a real sport. I didn’t bother fighting that perception, and instead drew closer to the invisible world I had created for myself, a thin line between fantasy and reality.
    Tara defended me like a Valkyrie against the tormenting monsters, but when teenagers believe something, they cling to it as if all of creation depends upon it. Faith and ignorance are the complete workings of a teenage mind. In addition to that, kids whispered “fag” as I walked past them in the hallways. Hearing that word set me on fire, and all the rage in the world burned through my body. It was the one word that immediately shattered all that I was into tiny, meaningless fragments. It was the one word that took my masculinity and vaporized it. I couldn’t understand their attacks, since I was physically stronger than most kids in my class. How could they call me that? To me, the word fag represented femininity, weakness, frailty, and I had none of those things. Yes, I was short, with a squeaky voice, but this was my first year of high school and most of the other guys my age hadn’t completely matured physically either.
    How could they call me “fag” when I felt attracted to girls? I heard the voices in exactly the same pitch and volume in which they were spoken. I got nauseated every time “fag” wormed its way into my ear, and the person I thought I was began to evaporate. The thought of ending my life popped up again. I wanted to rid myself of the torment and teasing. That thought flickered, sharp and smooth, impossible to imagine for real, but still I found it wildly entertaining. Something stubborn inside me carried that idea away, something pure and sacred. If life got bad enough, death would still be an option, but movement owned me and it wouldn’t let me go until it had used my body as its vessel.
    I began missing school, skipping Mondays or Fridays, because I needed an extra-long weekend. I increasingly felt sick, and my breathing began to worsen. I was often exhausted to the bone and had a constant runny nose. I was a freshman with three more years of torture ahead, unable to sleep at night because I was manic anddesperate. My imagination kept me awake, believing there was something great out there, something magnificent that would change my life forever. I prayed to the moon for answers and waited for the howling winds to take my pain away. But they never did.

10
    MUSCLE
    M USCLE IS A BAND OF FIBROUS TISSUE THAT HAS THE ABILITY TO CONTRACT AND MOVE AN ORGANISM’S BODY. T HERE ARE THREE TYPES OF MUSCLE TISSUE: SKELETAL, SMOOTH, AND CARDIAC. M UCH OF THE BODY’S ENERGY CONSUMPTION IS THROUGH MUSCULAR ACTIVITY. A DISPLAY OF STRENGTH IS A RESULT OF THREE OVERLAPPING FACTORS: PHYSIOLOGICAL, NEUROLOGICAL, AND MECHANICAL.
    Gymnastics is dangerous and can easily lead to serious injury and even death if not carried out properly. We visualize the challenging and hazardous skills before performing them. As athletes, we need to internalize the movement, programming its code into our every muscle fiber. The complex challenge comes after the visualization when we let go of fear and trust our bodies to mimic exactly what we envisioned in our minds, relying on the deities of artistry to meet us halfway and to ensure that our bodies are placed in the correct positions. In order to succumb entirely to this physical confidence, we have to shut down the thinking part of our minds and allow the body to take control. Occasionally the mind awakens, instantly warning the muscles, “This is dangerous! Stop!” When that happens, the body seizes in midair, disengages from all movement, and crashes down to the ground. That was part of our training, and most gymnasts frequently fall. Our reliance on the unknown is critical, but there is a fine line to our physical limitations, and the importance is in knowing the boundaries. Too much faith can make gymnasts believe they canfly