Free JENNY LOPEZ HAS A BAD WEEK by Kelk Lindsey

how’s it going? We only met yesterday but don’t let that bother you. Who has time for pleasantries anyway?
    ‘You’re looking for a roommate,’ she went on, regardless of my silence. Maybe my silence wasn’t laden with enough pissiness. ‘And I’m looking for an NY apartment.’
    ‘You want to buy my apartment?’ I felt how Sigge had looked the night before. ‘I don’t own it. It’s a sublet.’
    ‘No,’ she actually tutted at me. ‘I want to be your roommate.’
    I let the stunned silence settle for a moment.
    ‘You want to what now?’
    ‘I’ve been thinking about it,’ she replied, her voice matter of fact. ‘My apartment is in Miami and I’m never there. And I’ve been thinking about going to school, maybe part-time. NYU is a great school for understanding creative schedules. James Franco goes there.’
    ‘Do you know James Franco?’ I asked with narrowed eyes.
    ‘Yeah? Kinda?’
    I tried to calm myself.
    ‘And besides,’ she softened slightly. ‘You’re like, the only person I ever met who actually tried to help me instead of just telling me what to do.’
    Surely she wasn’t serious?
    ‘Look, Sadie, my apartment isn’t fancy,’ I tried to explain as politely as possible. ‘It’s in Murray Hill, it’s tiny, the bathroom doesn’t have a bath. I’m pretty sure you’re used to something a little more luxe.’
    ‘I’m used to hotel rooms, sleeping on planes and walking in a straight line for three minutes with intense jet lag. Why do you think models always look so pissed off on the runway?’
    I frowned. This was a tough one. Not her question, the overall proposal. I assumed they looked pissed off because they had the same relationship with ice cream as Sadie had demonstrated the day before.
    ‘And I told you. I’m lonely.’
    I hated when people pulled out the emo guilt card. Because I fell for it every time.
    ‘OK, let’s do it,’ I agreed, immediately regretting it. ‘But if you don’t like it when you get there, you can totally back out.’
    ‘No worries,’ she actually sounded relieved. ‘I’ve got a really good feeling about this. My psychic thinks it’s a great idea.’
    Ahh, shit.
    ‘I’ll text you my email address and you can send me all the details,’ she said. ‘I’ll be over tomorrow, roomie!’
    I was an idiot. The only thing worse for a girl’s self-esteem than living with a gay male model would be living with a straight female model. Especially when you’d just turned away the hottest guy who ever lived by calling him gay and then accusing him of sexual assault. I didn’t think kicking him in the balls could have helped me that much either.
    ‘Anything exciting?’ Angie asked when I sat back at the table.
    ‘I have a new roommate,’ I nodded.
    ‘Ooh, who?’ They both looked excited. Oh, the joys of cohabitation. It was sad that they had to live their single lives vicariously through my misadventures.
    ‘Sadie,’ I replied, making intense eye contact with the saltshaker. ‘Nixon.’
    It was amazing that the pair of them didn’t choke to death, they were laughing that hard. Assholes.
    I was the first to admit that taking on a random roommate was a risk, but it was a risk that had worked out well for me before. And, like Sadie said, she travelled a lot. I figured we’d hardly ever be home at the same time. And she had no problem withthe rent or security deposit I’d asked for. Bonus. And hadn’t she said she knew James Franco?
     
    Out of sheer contrariness, I decided to walk back to the apartment. I didn’t have anywhere to be, well, until I started work on Monday, and it was a beautiful day. A little cooler, a little breezier and a lot perfect. An hour’s stroll through NYC was just what I needed. I headed north, through the West Village, up to Union Square and then made my way east. That’s where it got a little dull and I was forced to turn to my phone. I couldn’t remember what I’d done before I had an iPhone. I guess I used