in the world, now and probably ever. Just remember that. If you really, really remember—Just look deep inside me, and you will know. Someday I will tell you everything. I promise. Until then, please don't stop believing in me. You're still the only one who ever has, and I know that more now than ever.”
“Oh, stop with that ‘believing in me’ crap! There has to be more going on than the obvious. You're either sad or angry, and you're constantly getting into fights. It's like you're a version of you from an alternate universe. What am I missing?”
“If I could tell you I already would have,” he barely mutters. Upon leaving the room he looks back at me through hooded eyes. “I'm so sorry.”
Griping his arm, I spin him with force. “No! You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to be all emo and make me feel sad for you. You can either man-up, and tell me what the hell is going on, or you walk away for good. I mean it. I’m done!”
He stares at the carpet in silence, leaving me with no choice. “Fine. You’ve lost me. You’ve lost your sister. You’ve lost your best friend. Clearly, you are no longer the person I used to know.”
My remaining courage thrusts me out, not just from the room but, as far as I'm concerned, every aspect of his life.
Chapter 11
In the middle of the night after his graduation, Donovan covertly departs, but not before sneaking into my room during my slumber. Waking upon his presence, it's best to remain tranquil, as if facing a grizzly bear. Before words escape me, he softly puts a single finger over my mouth and kneels on the floor near my head. Moments pass in silence. Finally he simpers, and with a gesture for my muteness, removes his hand.
His spark is back. His voice sounds like his own, not that of the monster which possessed him for the last six months.
“Lily, I promise there will be a time when I will tell you everything. Meanwhile, you need to know that you are beautiful, lovely, and perfect. You do not repulse me. You scare me, but you certainly don’t repulse me.” His charming grin is back too, along with the happy version of his annoying eye roll, which is now delightful again.
Grabbing my hand he toys with it, surveying my eyes with the smoldering fire I have waited so long to return. “It may be a long time until you hear from me again. Just please never lose faith in me. Be patient and give me some time and space. In addition to everything else, you are truly my best friend. I’ll be back soon. Meanwhile, live your life to the fullest. Don’t hold back for me or for anyone, especially Mom and Dad. Don’t let them talk you into anything. Scratch that, I know no one can talk you into anything. That's one of the things that makes you perfect.” Choking on his last sentence he kisses my forehead and begins his departure.
“My turn?” I ask. Actually, I'm not asking. We both know there's no way I’m letting him slip out like this. He owes me, and if didn’t know his heart so well, I would have beaten the crap out of him months ago.
He returns to his previous position on the floor, hoping this isn't another bullet to dodge. Pulling myself towards him, I stroke his raven locks as my fingers have done so many times before. Surprisingly, he lets me—and he’s enjoying it—though I can tell he's a little afraid I'm about to smack him.
“I will never, ever lose faith in you. But I meant what I said about you losing me. I can’t go on like this forever. The only reason I have tolerated you is because I know who you really are, which is confounding, because, for the life of me, I can’t figure out what's going on. It’s far more complex than indecision about me. I know something is wrong on a very deep level, and that’s why I lost it the other day. But that doesn’t mean I am giving up on you. Not now. Not ever. I'm going on with my life, but I'm going to make you keep your promise. Just know that when you are ready to talk, I'm here.”
My