Free GLBTQ by Kelly Huegel Page B

issue. Some people will ask you if you’re out, or who you’re out to. They might want to share their coming-out stories. Sometimes it seems like everyone who is GLBTQ is obsessed with the idea of being out. A popular GLBTQ magazine is called Out, and there’s even a National Coming Out Project.
    Coming out is the process of telling others that you’re GLBTQ. The phrase “coming out” comes from the metaphor that you’re “coming out of the closet.” Conversely, people who are not out often are referred to as being “closeted,” meaning they’ve chosen not to tell others of their GLBTQ identity.
    There’s a whole range of being out. People can be completely out, meaning they’re open with everyone about being GLBTQ. Some are partially out, meaning they’re out to some people but not everyone. Others might only be out to one very close person in their lives. Some people aren’t out at all.
    Coming out has its pluses and minuses. It can open up your social life to other GLBTQ teens and allow you to live openly without having to hide who you are. But it can also cause stress in your family and put a strain on some of your friendships. For most GLBTQ people, coming out is a major milestone and a life-changing experience. It’s like taking off a mask and letting people see who you really are. Some people decide to come out because they’re tired of hiding who they are. These people are willing to risk telling others in exchange for the freedom of living openly.
    Queer in the Military: During World War II, if military personnel were discovered to be GLBTQ, they were given special dishonorable discharges called “blue discharges” (because the form on which they were typed was blue). People who received blue discharges often had trouble finding employment and faced rejection in civilian life. Although GLBTQ people in the military were, until recently, forced to hide their sexual orientations and gender identities, many queer people have served their country in the armed forces, some receiving the military’s highest honors. For more information on the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, see Chapter 1.
Feeling Pressure to Come Out
    All of this emphasis on coming out can put a lot of pressure on you, but there’s no rush. People can be ready to come out at different times. Some come out at 14, others at 40. Coming out can be a great and affirming experience. But if you’re not ready, it can feel like a disaster.
    Dr. Sandy Loiterstein, a clinical psychologist who often works with GLBTQ people, emphasizes this point. She explains, “It’s important for teens to know that discovering your identity is a process, and everyone does so in her own time. Teens, especially, can have a tough time figuring out who they are because they are sorting through so many issues at once.”
    You might feel internal pressure to come out, or see out celebrities or people in your community and think, “I should be out.” You can also feel pressure from other sources, such as friends or people in the GLBTQ community. Some people might be saying you need to come out, but others might be giving you completely different messages. Maybe your parents or other people say things like, “I don’t understand why gay people have to flaunt it. They should just keep it to themselves.” Regardless of what others tell you, your first responsibility is to yourself.
How’s the Weather Out There? Deciding If You’re Ready (and If It’s Safe) to Come Out
    Without a doubt, more teens than ever are coming out. Many studies, news articles, and books are noting the increasingly younger ages when people are coming out. According to Cornell University professor Ritch Savin-Williams, a recognized authority on issues surrounding GLBTQ teens, the current generation of teens self-identifies as gay, lesbian, bisexual, or