Free Best to Laugh: A Novel by Lorna Landvik

funny little curtsy to Filo Nuala, Jimmy Jay said, “And now, the man who makes Word Wise the preferred game show of Mensa members, our host, Yancey Rogan!”
    The show’s jazzy theme music came on, and a tall, gangly guy in a checkered sport coat loped onto the set, his puffy shag as unmoving as plastic.
    “Thanks, Jimmy Jay,” he said and looking into a camera that had glided to a stop in front of him, he pointed his finger and said, “Now let’s play Word Wise !”
    It was a tease; first Yancey Rogan had to honor the game show law of engaging in banter before the game playing began, which meant chatting about football with Filo and plugging Precia’s upcoming miniseries about all the sexual and political intrigue in Queen Victoria’s court.
    Next the contestants were introduced, and after Jerry told about his police work—“I’ve got a pretty quiet beat; seems I chase down more truants than bank robbers”—Carrie, still looking like she needed Dramamine, explained that she was a veterinarian’s assistant.
    “So I imagine you get on-the-job training as to how to keep the wolves away,” said Yancey.
    Carrie’s head bobbed in several directions so that you couldn’t tell if she was agreeing or disagreeing.
    “All right, then,” said Yancey, smiling into the camera. “You’ve met our fabulous celebrities and our fabulous contestants—now let’s play Word Wise !”
    I had spent the week watching the show; there wasn’t much to it, really; it was sort of like word volleyball, except they kept throwing in a new ball.
    The game begins and one team is given a letter, say, A. A beep sounds, a light goes on and Yancey gives the celebrity a category of speech, say, noun. So the celebrity might answer, “Apple.” The play then goes to herpartner, and after another beep and light, Yancey gives the contestant another category of speech, say, adjective. He might respond with “Anxious.” Throughout the round, Yancey can change the category at any time and the players’ answers have to reflect that.
    If a team misses an answer, if for instance the celebrity says, “annoyed,” and her category was still noun, the letter A and the remaining seconds go to the other team. When that time runs out, that team is given a new letter and a minute to play their full round. Whichever side racks up the most words at the final bell goes to the Big Dictionary. Occasionally a whistle blows, which means a speed round will be played and the winner of that wins a bonus prize—usually a trip.
    “Filo and Jerry,” said Yancey, “your letter is E and Filo, your category is adjective. ”
    A beep sounded and a light on Filo’s cube went on.
    “Empathetic.”
    Another beep and Jerry’s cube lit up.
    Yancey said, “ Verb. ”
    “Enter,” said Jerry.
    When Filo’s light blinked on, he said, “Egregious.”
    Whoa, I thought. Here was a football player whose helmet actually protected something.
    “Entertain,” said Jerry.
    “Erroneous,” said Filo.
    “Jerry,” said Yancey after the beep. “ Adjective. ”
    “Erratic.”
    Another beep.
    “Filo,” said Yancey. “ Noun. ”
    “Elephant.”
    “Elk,” said Jerry.
    A buzzer sounded.
    “I’m sorry Jerry, your category was still adjective. ” He turned to the women. “Precia, the letter is E, category is adjective, and there are still twenty seconds remaining on the clock. Go.”
    Precia said, “Enormous.”
    “Carrie,” said Yancey after the beep. “ Verb. ”
    Carrie looked stunned, as if the light that flicked on her cube was a headlight and she was the proverbial deer, but just when I thought she was going to lurch out and crash into the windshield, she blurted, “Elapse!”
    Precia nodded approvingly at her partner and when her light flashed on, she said, “Eminent.”
    “Exit,” answered Carrie.
    Beep.
    “Precia, noun. ”
    “Existence.”
    A lower buzzer blatted.
    “Congratulations, ladies, you won the rest of your opponents’ round; now we’ll