Free Inside the Mind of Gideon Rayburn by Sarah Miller

of her blanket up over her feet. She seems totally over Gid's rejection. "Do you miss her?" she asks.
    The phrase "not really" pops into his head so quickly that it's a wonder he manages to say, "Oh, yes. A lot." Mija nods sympathetically, her blonde pageboy swings next to her head in a smooth sheet. Gid realizes that he isn't attracted to girls who are too neat. But telling her he has a girlfriend —now other girls are going to think he's off-limits. And shouldn't he have just tried to have sex with her? And win? But he couldn't. He thinks back to that moment, where he was trying to move his lips against hers and physically couldn't will himself to do it, because he just didn't feel anything for her.
    Wait a minute. That's a pretty unusual feeling for a guy to have. Does Gid —dare I say this about him, about any sixteen-year-old sex-crazed boy—have a soul?
    He's wondering that himself right now, but the words in his head take a different form; Why didn't I just jump her? What is my problem? Do I have a problem?
    "This has been a really weird day," he says.
    "Tell me about it," Mija ten Eyck replies. "This morning, I was in Amsterdam."
    She doesn't seem at all upset that they didn't hook up. Gid wonders, fleetingly, if she feels as indifferent to him as he is to her. He does think she's a nice girl, though. She reaches into her nightstand and takes out some acne medicine. She puts a little on her chin, then dabs a little on Gid's chin. "You need to take better care of your skin," she says. "I have a lot of products that would help you."
    They share a sincere moment of looking into the mirror, considering each other's faces. Gid has made a
    friend.
    The grass is wet, and the sky is just starting to turn pink over the hills as the boys walk home. Gid confesses to Cullen and Nicholas that he told Mija he had a girlfriend. "It just popped out," he says. "So now all the girls are going to think I'm already taken."
    Cullen slaps him on the back. "You are the man," he says. "That's the best thing you could have said. Also, it's
    very good to reject girls. It makes you much more desirable. Wow, saying you had a girlfriend. What a stroke of genius."
    Gid wants to say that it was just an accident, but I'm glad he doesn't. He should take credit for it, and besides, strokes of genius are almost always accidents.
    Like this one. End up in some pretty weird kid's head and the more you see his weird thoughts, the more you...well... After tonight, I am mostdefinitely somewhere very close to being in love. Now definitely no one can know who I am. Whatever kind of confidence I might project to the outside world, my heart is very tender. Strange considering just a little while ago, I was afraid he could read my mind. Now that I know he can't, I almost wish that he could.

skinny fat
    For the second time in eight hours, Gideon Rayburn is awakened. This time, the agent of rudeness is Nicholas, and he has actually reached under the covers, scooped his hands beneath Gideon's underarms, and is now, causing not inconsiderable pain, pulling him out of bed-Gideon moans. "I think you're digging into one of my glands."
    Nicholas, strong despite his wiry frame, is dressed in a pair of navy nylon shorts and a T-shirt tight enough to say, I have a nice body, but loose enough to pretend that's not its goal. "We're going running," Nicholas says. "Come on."
    "Running?" Gid has barely ever thought of the concept of running and certainly never in relationship to himself. He clearly remembers that whole working-out conversation but thought it was just theoretical. I knew it wasn't. Guys with posture like Nicholas don't usually bullshit. "Why?"
    "Because you're skinny fat." Nicholas pinches a bit of flesh hanging from Gid's arm.
    "Ow." It hurts more than it should.
    "That hurts because it's skin, not muscle. You're not overweight, but you have no muscle whatsoever. Skinny fat," he repeats.
    Gid falls back onto his bed. Nicholas goes to his bureau and removes a