Free Crush (Hard Hit #5) by Charity Parkerson

trust you with my life. In this, I’m not as sure. Tell me why I should.”
    "Because I care about you,” Orlando said, putting it all on the line. He added, “More than I should, so I need for you to believe in me, even if I haven’t given you a reason, and no one else does.”
    Andrei’s features went blank. “Then you should leave."
    Orlando’s mind slowed to a crawl. “What?”
    Andrei nodded toward the door. “You heard me. I told you not to love me. If that’s the case now, if you’re saying you love me, then you need to leave.”
    “I don’t understand,” Orlando said, hearing the words but incapable of comprehending. “Will you at least tell me why? I don’t get it. Why are you so scared of us? Why are you terrified of falling in love? Just be honest with me.”
    Andrei snapped. “It’s you." The words came out in such a rush, it took a second for the blade to sink in. Andrei glanced at the ceiling as if seeking guidance before meeting his stare once more. “You asked for honesty,” Andrei said, reminding Orlando he had indeed asked for this. “You’re not a good person. I’ve spent my entire life surrounded by people who are bad for me, and every time, they end up taking me down with them. Even when you see you’re doing something wrong, you don’t stop. I don’t want that. I don’t want to love you.”
    Orlando’s mind fell eerily silent, protecting itself. That detail didn’t stop his mouth. “I see.” At the claim, Orlando’s brain roared to life, screaming he was a liar. He didn’t see anything at all. In all the scenarios Orlando had painted, this was one he hadn’t seen coming. He’d known there was every probability Andrei would throw him out, refusing to ever see him again. Never in a million years had he dreamt Andrei thought so low of him.
    It was like Orlando was sucking air through a straw. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t draw a full breath. For two years, he’d been dead inside, living for some form of fucked up revenge even he didn’t understand. Since meeting Andrei, Orlando had seen a sliver of light in the distance, and now it was gone. Once again, he was bathed in darkness.
    “I guess that’s it, then." Even Orlando didn’t understand how he managed to push those words past the swelling of his throat and the pain in his chest. Andrei didn’t even try to stop him as he headed for the door. Not that Orlando expected he would. Still, it was acid on an open wound where his heart used to be.
    *
    Orlando's scent still lingered on Andrei's skin. He’d been set to take a shower. Not to wash the evidence of their encounter away, as much as to enjoy more time with this man who meant everything to him. He couldn't explain what had happened. Catching Orlando texting Gannon so close on the heels of realizing the other man loved him, combined with Orlando voicing the words, and Andrei freaked. He'd said things that weren't true. His brain screamed for him to run after Orlando. Take it back. His feet refused to budge. He was damaged— in ways Orlando couldn't understand. It was for the best.
    Andrei's knees gave out, and he sank down onto the bed. Not thirty minutes ago, he'd held Orlando. Tasted him. Now, it was over. He'd never get to kiss him again. A wave of pain so intense that it stole the air from the room washed over him. The day he'd left Russia, he'd thought his dad could never touch him again. He'd been wrong. Even in death, the man still managed to saturate Andrei's life with evil, stealing everything good. Andrei dropped his gaze to his knees, as if the universe might see the shame in his eyes. It was better this way, he reminded himself again. Orlando needed to reserve his love for someone who deserved it. Andrei was worthy of nothing.

Chapter 6
    Two weeks later…
    Gannon had been avoiding his calls and texts. Orlando couldn’t have that. This was too important. He would have liked to think Andrei’s opinion of him had nothing whatsoever to do