Free White Trash Damaged by Teresa Mummert

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    “Hopefully it goes well. We won’t be long.” Tucker leaned in and kissed my forehead. “Dorris picked her out, so it shouldn’t be too hard a decision.”
    With that, the guys filed out of the bus, and I was left alone again. I wondered if it would always be this way—brief pockets with Tucker while he drifted in and out on official band business. I would definitely need to take up a hobby, otherwise I was going to go out of my mind. Plus, I refused to be just a trophy girlfriend—I knew I was worth more than that.
    I flipped open the notebook again and sat back down at the table. For nearly twenty minutes I stared at the words I had written before deciding this cramped space wasn’t conducive to creativity. I grabbed the book and pen and stepped out into the bright parking lot. I squinted as I scanned the rows of cars, looking for somewhere a little more private. I rounded the back of the bus and found another, smaller bus parked behind ours. I was sure it was Fifth’s, but it was still, silent, and I figured they had gone out as well. I slid down against the back of our bus and placed my notebook on my lap as I began to jot down a few more lines. Memories of my past flooded my thoughts.
    The smell of whiskey and cigarettes filled my nose, replacing the sweet smell of freedom. My hands flew to the back of my head as I struggled to pry Jackson’s fingers from my hair. “Jax, let go of me!” I struggled to get my footing as he lifted me from the bed by my hair. His dirty fingers gripped onto my throat, cutting off my pleas for help. I stared into the lifeless bloodshot eyes of my boyfriend, silently pleading for him to let me go.
    “Where is my dope?” he asked, his words slurring as his grip tightened. I clawed at his fingers, desperate for a gasp of air. “I know you fucking took it.” I struggled to shake my head as my body grew weak. He released me, flinging my body back on the bed. I struggled to take in deep breaths as he loomed over me, waiting for an answer .
    “I didn’t. I wouldn’t,” I protested as I waited for his blows .
    Lying crumpled and broken on empty sheets, feel the pain settle deep within me
    I stand to fight another day, bracing for the blows on shaky legs
    I take this pen and find my voice, fill the sheets with words of noise
    My heart races to set the beat, as I bare my soul on empty sheets
    “Plotting out world domination?” a female voice called from the window of the bus in front of me.
    “I’m still in the early planning stages,” I called back to Sarah who smiled and slid the window closed before appearing in the doorway of the bus.
    “I needed to get out of there. It’s like a coffin.” She sighed as she gathered her dark hair and pulled it back into a hair tie. “Where are the guys?” she asked as she sank down next to me.
    “At a meeting with a possible new manager,” I replied as I chewed on the end of my pen.
    “Yikes.” She laughed as she picked up a pebble and tossed it toward her bus. “Well, you are just in time for the show.”
    I cocked my head to the side, not understanding what she meant until the door to the bus flew open again and Lizzy stepped outside. She had a cigarette dangling from her lips, and her hair was a wild mess of curls.
    “Wow. . . .”
    “I thought you would find that interesting. She shacked up with Derek last night. The sounds coming from his bunk would give you nightmares.” She laughed. “At one point I wondered where they had gotten a goat.”
    I chuckled as I stared up at Lizzy whose eyes landed on me and anger flashed through them.
    “What are you looking at?” she spat as she lit her cigarette. “You think you’re better than me just because you’re banging a lead singer?” She laughed as she shook her head. “I’ve already had him. You’re not that special.”
    She reminded me of Cadence, Tucker’s ex-girlfriend. Shewas desperate to cling to anyone else’s coattails instead of building a