off mid-stride, tumbled off the wheel and went to sleep.
Bravo! I clapped politely. Hammie thanks you.
Believe me, the pleasure was all mine. How could you stand that racket, by the way?
I dropped down on the sofa beside him again. Ive learned to tolerate a lot in my life. I accept things as they are. I tried to fix the wheel dozens of times and then I quit and decided to learn to live with it.
He studied me intently with those deep dark eyes that seemed to melt my skin and see all the way into my soul. The same way you decided to learn to live with your sleep disorder rather than try to get more help?
When you are disappointed often enough, you just start to cope. One thing Im good at is coping.
Did you have anyone else try to fix the hamster wheel?
Several people, but none of them had your touch.
Just like the other doctors you saw who tried and failed you, Suze? What if Im the one with the touch youve been looking for?
Im not a hamster wheel, David.
What are you afraid of, Suze? Why did you give up?
Why had I?
After a moments consideration I said, Frankly? Odd as it may sound, I got sick and tired of being a guinea pig. If I slept poorly without electrodes attached to my head, imagine how badly I did with them. I and the pharmacist were on a first-name basis and I had to devote an entire shelf to drugs Id tried and that had failed. Every new drug on the market came my way first. The only other thing I could have done was work for the FDA. I spent years as a walking zombie. Granted, I slept at night, but I also slept during the day with my eyes wide open. I cant even remember my own sisters wedding because of whatever miracle drug theyd put me on. I refuse to live my life that way any longer.
He looked at me with compassion, something my friends and family had almost run out of. When youre ready, Suze, Ill be here. Although I now just consult with other doctors, I can provide you with recommendations.
Infuriatingly, tears sprang to my eyes. Where were you five years ago, Dr. Grant, when I still had that rare commodity of hope? And, more exasperating yet, why arent you saying youll wait for me and not for my disorder?
Dr. Grant and me. Wouldnt that be ironic? The sleep-disorder doctor and the patient he cant cure? No way. I refuse to get myself into a situation where the man I care about views me as his biggest failure.
I glanced at Hammies cage. Astoundingly, he was still asleep. If he were aware of the way I was feeling, he should have been running at warp speed on his wheel. Maybe he wasnt as attuned to my emotional weather as Id given him credit for being.
Chapter Ten
A fter Hammies clatter was silenced and Chipper let go of Davids pant leg and jumped onto his lap instead, things settled down. My fresh cookies were a hit. They were just like his grandmothers, David said with great relish.
Your home is very comfortable and inviting, he commented after polishing off a half-dozen cookies.
And
He grinned. Granted, its a little disconcerting at first, but that wears off rather quickly.
Honesty. I can accept that.
Tell me more about yourself, I encouraged. I know so little about you.
He shrugged as if he and his history were of little importance. Theres nothing much. I grew up on a farm in Michigan. I have a sister who is in medicine and a brother who is still managing the family farm.
If this is the kind of farm boy Michigan grows, its my new favorite state.
As I indicated, I have a Southern grandmother who still mistrusts the Yankees but has done her best to instill me with gracious manners despite my suspect northern upbringing.
He mentioned a pedigreed list of educational institutions and then, probably because of his grandmothers teaching, began to ask me questions about myself.
I kicked off my shoes, curled my legs beneath me and sank into the deep cushions of my couch. David stood to remove his suit jacket and toss it over the back of a chair. My knees brushed his thigh as we sat together on
Bravo! I clapped politely. Hammie thanks you.
Believe me, the pleasure was all mine. How could you stand that racket, by the way?
I dropped down on the sofa beside him again. Ive learned to tolerate a lot in my life. I accept things as they are. I tried to fix the wheel dozens of times and then I quit and decided to learn to live with it.
He studied me intently with those deep dark eyes that seemed to melt my skin and see all the way into my soul. The same way you decided to learn to live with your sleep disorder rather than try to get more help?
When you are disappointed often enough, you just start to cope. One thing Im good at is coping.
Did you have anyone else try to fix the hamster wheel?
Several people, but none of them had your touch.
Just like the other doctors you saw who tried and failed you, Suze? What if Im the one with the touch youve been looking for?
Im not a hamster wheel, David.
What are you afraid of, Suze? Why did you give up?
Why had I?
After a moments consideration I said, Frankly? Odd as it may sound, I got sick and tired of being a guinea pig. If I slept poorly without electrodes attached to my head, imagine how badly I did with them. I and the pharmacist were on a first-name basis and I had to devote an entire shelf to drugs Id tried and that had failed. Every new drug on the market came my way first. The only other thing I could have done was work for the FDA. I spent years as a walking zombie. Granted, I slept at night, but I also slept during the day with my eyes wide open. I cant even remember my own sisters wedding because of whatever miracle drug theyd put me on. I refuse to live my life that way any longer.
He looked at me with compassion, something my friends and family had almost run out of. When youre ready, Suze, Ill be here. Although I now just consult with other doctors, I can provide you with recommendations.
Infuriatingly, tears sprang to my eyes. Where were you five years ago, Dr. Grant, when I still had that rare commodity of hope? And, more exasperating yet, why arent you saying youll wait for me and not for my disorder?
Dr. Grant and me. Wouldnt that be ironic? The sleep-disorder doctor and the patient he cant cure? No way. I refuse to get myself into a situation where the man I care about views me as his biggest failure.
I glanced at Hammies cage. Astoundingly, he was still asleep. If he were aware of the way I was feeling, he should have been running at warp speed on his wheel. Maybe he wasnt as attuned to my emotional weather as Id given him credit for being.
Chapter Ten
A fter Hammies clatter was silenced and Chipper let go of Davids pant leg and jumped onto his lap instead, things settled down. My fresh cookies were a hit. They were just like his grandmothers, David said with great relish.
Your home is very comfortable and inviting, he commented after polishing off a half-dozen cookies.
And
He grinned. Granted, its a little disconcerting at first, but that wears off rather quickly.
Honesty. I can accept that.
Tell me more about yourself, I encouraged. I know so little about you.
He shrugged as if he and his history were of little importance. Theres nothing much. I grew up on a farm in Michigan. I have a sister who is in medicine and a brother who is still managing the family farm.
If this is the kind of farm boy Michigan grows, its my new favorite state.
As I indicated, I have a Southern grandmother who still mistrusts the Yankees but has done her best to instill me with gracious manners despite my suspect northern upbringing.
He mentioned a pedigreed list of educational institutions and then, probably because of his grandmothers teaching, began to ask me questions about myself.
I kicked off my shoes, curled my legs beneath me and sank into the deep cushions of my couch. David stood to remove his suit jacket and toss it over the back of a chair. My knees brushed his thigh as we sat together on
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