Free Retromancer by Robert Rankin Page A

of course, words to the effect that “my first pleasure as the Invisible Man will be to kick the bum of that pompous buffoon Hugo Rune”.’
    ‘I did no such thing… I-’ And Mr McMurdo huffed and puffed some more.
    And certain thoughts entered my head regarding the spell that Mr Rune had seemingly cast with such ‘unexpected’ results. But I dismissed these thoughts from my mind and asked Mr McMurdo whether, having now explained to me the noble motivations of those who toiled away in the Ministry of Serendipity, he might now care to avail Mr Rune and I of the facts in the case concerning the missing scientist, Professor James Stigmata Campbell. As time was now passing by at a goodly rate and he had seemed anxious that the case be solved by this very evening. Which was why Mr Rune and I were here.
    ‘Quite,’ said Mr McMurdo, as Hugo Rune sought, with little success, to disguise another beaming grin. ‘The facts in the case are these. We have a number of deep-cover operatives in Germany, brave chaps all who risk their lives to supply us with information regarding the Nazis’ scope of operations and current areas of scientific research. There is a fine line between science and magic, as is evidenced by the enemy’s present endeavours.’
    I supped at my drink and Mr Rune did likewise.
    And Mr McMurdo continued with the telling of his tale.
    ‘Particle physics,’ he said. ‘Which is to say the study of forces and matter upon an atomic and subatomic level. It is a study of the very fabric of existence. We know that Nazi scientists are engaged in this and we have scientists of our own similarly engaged. Professor Campbell is the leading light in this field of research.’
    ‘Might I ask,’ I asked, ‘precisely what Professor Campbell was engaged in?’
    ‘The nature of his experiments is top secret. I cannot divulge that information to you.’
    ‘You might divulge the theory behind them,’ Mr Rune suggested, ‘without compromising security.’
    ‘Then it is this way. Many theories exist regarding how the universe was brought into being. Some believe that the universe has always existed; it might expand and contract, it might do all manner of things, but essentially it has always been here. Others subscribe to the belief that everything that we understand to be the universe began with a Big Bang, and that our universe is now expanding from this point of cosmic detonation. And a third faction retains the earliest belief of Mankind – that it was God who created the universe. I can only say that I have every reason to believe that Professor Campbell uncovered the truth.’
    ‘Golly gosh,’ I said. ‘So which one is it?’
    ‘That I cannot say.’
    Hugo Rune took out his pocket watch and perused its face. ‘Lunchtime is upon us,’ said he. ‘I require only Professor Campbell’s address. I assume that he conducted his research and experimentation within his own home.’
    ‘That is correct.’ Mr McMurdo plucked a tiny stylus from an inner pocket of his immaculate suit, took up a paper napkin and wrote an address upon it. ‘You told me on the telephone that the case was as good as solved,’ he said to Mr Rune, as the guru’s guru approached him and took the napkin from his delicate hand. ‘Be so good as to honour your word upon this occasion.’
    ‘Your servant, sir,’ said Hugo Rune. And he clicked his heels together in a martial manner and twirled his stout stick upon his fingers. ‘Be seeing you.’
    And he led me from the room.

11
    We took our luncheon at The Ritz.
    ‘Taking tea there is so passé,’ Mr Rune informed me, ‘but they do a passable lunchtime nosebag.’
    I was entranced by the décor, the frescoed domes of ceilings, the chandeliers and marble columns, the gilded furniture and all over Louis XVI-ness all around and about. And as I took it all in, each wondrous detail and facet, I knew in my heart of hearts that this was the life. And that this place definitely had the edge on