Free Retromancer by Robert Rankin

your person, will, I promise, prove invaluable.’
    And Mr Rune nodded once more at me.
    So I nodded once more at him.
    And Mr McMurdo took in as deep a breath as his miniature frame allowed, sat wearily down upon the top of the cocktail cabinet and regarded Mr Rune with a most bitter expression.
    And then he told a curious tale that fair put the wind up me.

10
    ‘You must know,’ said Mr McMurdo, addressing, it seemed, his words to myself, ‘that the Ministry of Serendipity is at the very spearhead of the War Effort. It is here that plans are formulated and campaigns organised. And these are not wholly of a military nature. There is great evil abroad upon the face of the planet and it is the Ministry’s duty to stamp out the malignant pestilence and restore peace and decency and Britishness.’
    ‘Here here,’ said Hugo Rune. ‘I’ll drink to that.’ And he rose from his chair, took himself over to where Mr McMurdo sat and poured himself another drink. And if not necessarily out of kindness, but rather perhaps decency and Britishness, he uncapped the whisky bottle and splashed spirit into a vacant glass for Mr McMurdo.
    ‘Mine too for a top-up,’ I put in. For I had no idea how long Mr McMurdo’s talk might last and I had already developed a taste for his gin.
    When all was done in the drinks department and Mr Rune reseated, Mr McMurdo continued. ‘We at the Ministry have studied the rise of Germany ’s National Socialist Workers’ Party. Hitler did not ascend to his lofty position, which is one of almost messianic proportions, through opportunism and corrupt dealings alone. Although these did play their part.
    ‘He became the right man in the right place at the right time through the exercise of occult power. The Nazi Party is founded upon the principles of the blackest of the black arts. Ancient magic has been reactivated, ancient symbols brought once more into prominence. Dark forces revived. Let me make it clear, I am not talking about Satanism. Mr Hitler does not worship the devil of Christian theology. His master predates this. The Nazi hierarchy consider themselves to be true Aryans, the present-day heirs to the Teutonic heritage of Odinism.
    ‘The swastika is the symbol of Thor. Hitler believes the swastika to be a sacred Aryan symbol derived from the Feuerquirl. Literally, the protean fire-whisk with which the universe was created by the Supreme God of Germanic mythology. Hitler’s God is Wotan.
    ‘The revival of such ancient magic, I regret to say, has caught the West somewhat on the hop. There are few in this country with sufficient knowledge of the esoteric arts to counter such a situation. The knowledge has mostly been lost to us.’
    Mr Rune did clearings of his throat.
    ‘Present company excepted,’ said Mr McMurdo, in a grudging yet resigned tone of voice.
    ‘Please continue,’ said Mr Hugo Rune.
    ‘Mr Rune is presently employed by the Ministry of Serendipity to aid us in our countermeasures against whatever occult weaponry the enemy might aim towards us. And also to formulate such weaponry that we might use against them. Which brings me once more to the matter of-’ And Mr McMurdo rose once more to his feet and took once more to some demented jigging about.
    ‘A regrettable circumstance,’ said Hugo Rune. ‘Had the spell in question achieved the desired effect – that of creating a temporary cloak of invisibility – I would no doubt be kneeling now before a grateful monarch to receive yet another knighthood. Have sympathy for my disappointment also in this matter, please.’
    Mr McMurdo huffed and puffed some more. ‘You wrought this calamity upon me, Rune.’
    ‘You volunteered,’ said the Perfect Master, as he perfectly mastered his G & T towards his mouth. ‘How anxious you were to volunteer, I recall.’
    ‘Out of my loyalty to King and country.’
    ‘Really?’ said Mr Rune. ‘And yet I also recall that I overheard you speaking to one of your minions, in confidence