don’t have money for Clayton’s school fieldtrip and he doesn’t have any lunch money and I barely have an ounce of food in the house. I know I was stupid, Clinton. Please don’t penalize me. Please, baby, just help me out. Just this once.”
As if the anger I had after Alec’s morning visit wasn’t enough, I feel it double in an instant. Heat rushes to my cheeks and I have to grip the arm of the couch to keep from punching something. “How much?”
“Just a little, baby.”
“How. Much?”
She pauses, her voice growing smaller. “A hundred, maybe two.”
I don’t argue. I don’t fight her. I don’t have the energy to do either. “I’ll text you with the confirmation.” With that, I end the call, grab my keys, and head for the store. I’m gripping the wheel and driving too fast the entire way, but I can’t calm myself down. I try texting Carleton, but he doesn’t answer. Still. Letting out a frustrated growl, I throw my phone against the passenger side window and it bounces back into the seat.
I send her two hundred. I can’t afford it, but I do it anyway. The thought of Clayton suffering at all makes me hate myself for leaving him behind. He should be here with me. Being only twelve, he’s got a long time to go before he can leave on his own. Too long.
When I get back to the house, I change clothes and take off walking across campus toward the gym. I call Clayton when I’m halfway there and he answers on the second ring.
“Big bro!” he exclaims, his grin carrying through his voice. “What’s up? How’s Florida life?”
“Hot,” I say with a chuckle, the sweat already beading on my forehead. “How’s Pennsylvania life?”
“Boring. But you already know how that goes.”
I smile. “How’s school? You feel any different being a seventh grader?”
“Well, the schoolwork still sucks. But the girls are filling out, if you know what I mean.” He laughs through the receiver and I can’t help but join him. That’s my brother.
“Attaboy.” My smile fades as I think about him not having food to eat. “Is everything okay at home, Clayton?”
There’s a pause on the other end, but he answers after a beat. “Yeah. I mean, you know how she is. How everyone here is.”
“Yeah. I know.” Silence. “You know I love you, right? I’m always here for you. No matter what time of day.”
“I know. I’m okay, bro.”
“I know you are. You’re tough.”
“I learn from the best! But I have to go. I’m at Mac’s and we’re about to jump on Xbox. Call you later?”
“Sure thing, little bro. Kick his ass.”
“Always!”
We end the call just in time for me to open the gym door. I feel broken. All I want is for Clayton to get the hell out of there and then we can both be done with our shitty family. But really, I know that’s not true, either. Because there’s still the boys. And even when Carleton and Mom pull their stupid stunts, they’re still family. And blood runs thick.
I’m just not sure how much more I can give anymore.
BY THE TIME I limp my way back to the fraternity house, the sun is already setting. I didn’t intend to stay at the gym all day but I wanted to numb myself. It worked, but I’m paying for it now and it’ll be even worse tomorrow.
When I push my way through the front door, I’m met with thumping music and a packed house.
What the fuck.
“Josh!” I growl, catching sight of him first. I grab him by his shirt and yank him back toward the hallway where there are less people. “What the hell are you doing? Did you not get my voicemail earlier about the alumni?”
“Oh fuck them,” he spits out. “They came by earlier, ripped us a new asshole, and then left. They said they’re moving our chapter meeting to tomorrow night, so we’re getting in one last rage fest before the party police move in.”
I sigh, but just like with Mom, I don’t have the energy to argue. “Whatever.” Releasing his shirt, I limp back to my room and