Free Best Sex Writing 2009 by Rachel Kramer Bussel Page A

person you’re engaging in cybersex with or using it in some way to devalue your relationship would also be signs that you are crossing boundaries. Canceling out on other face-to-face engagements with people in your life in order to have cybersex could be a bad sign.”
    For better or for worse, there is no restart or reload for relation- ships; once you find yourself through the looking glass of cybersex and possible (or actual) violation of your relationship’s ToS, it’s time to talk. Kolmes suggests,“If you want to start talking about cyber- sex after you may have crossed some boundaries, it might be good to start by talking about fantasies and other erotic supplements to your fantasy life (such as pictures, videos, written erotica, toys).” Just talking about sex in general, Kolmes says,“would be a good launch- ing point for acknowledging that there haven’t been conversations
    about using more interactive media or involving other live people. If these types of conversations feel too intimidating, or they are not going well, it might be useful to consider getting help from a sex- positive therapist who works with people in relationships. It is also important to find a therapist who won’t jump directly to assuming that this is a case of porn addiction or Internet addiction—but to find someone who can help you and your partner communicate more explicitly about fantasy, desires, and about how to talk about these things.”
    However, not everyone is going to be wigged out by a little on- line canoodling. Some might think it’s kinda hot, or even a new sex toy for the couple to share and add to the buffet of sexual activities the couple already enjoys. For these couples, Lumpesse speaks from experience when it comes to surfing the cybersex seas from within a relationship. “I probably have more than one piece of advice for couples,” she adds.“The obvious one is that nonmonogamy is like anal sex. If you protect yourself, go slow, and communicate a lot, it can be amazing. If you don’t, OUCH! The other thing I would tell people to consider is that jealousy might not be the most impor- tant emotion they ever have. I still get jealous all the time; I’ve just learned that it is a fleeting response, and I don’t have to let it dictate my actions and decisions.”
    That said, we’ll see how things go when I take the Virtual Boy- friend for a test drive. If I don’t have any dishes left, I’ll be reshelv- ing my copy of A Brief History of Time with the rest of the erotica.

    sex offenders!!
    k elly d avis

    Most people reading this will remember when there were no pub- lic sex-offender registries—no online portals where you can type in your address and find out if a sex offender is living nearby or sign up to receive an email alert when one moves into your neighbor- hood. A decade ago, there weren’t folks who memorized names and faces and went door-to-door to let their neighbors know that a sex offender had moved in down the street—no one putting up fliers in apartment-building lobbies and laundry rooms.
    No sex-offender registry or neighborhood watch would have kept a babysitter from molesting me when I was six. He was around sixteen or seventeen, the brother of our regular babysitter who filled in whenever his sister was busy. I don’t remember how many times it happened, but I know it was more than once.Years later, I found out that he molested my sister, who was four, and my best friend, who lived across the street.
    At some point I told my mom what happened, but I don’t know what words I used. At six,“penis,” “vagina,” and “sex” weren’t part of my vocabulary.Whatever I said, my mom didn’t believe me—at least that’s what she told me.
    Looking back, I think she knew I was telling the truth, but she just didn’t know how to respond.
    And then I simply forgot that it ever happened—until my first serious relationship in high school, when I had to admit to the guy that, in my