Free The No Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley Page B

can be helpful. Tell your child a
    story in advance that details exactly what she should expect—
    where you are going and what you will be doing. This is a great
    activity to do in the car or bus on the way to your destination.
    If you fi nd your child becoming agitated, try to move off to a
    quiet place for a few minutes, like a bathroom, or go for a walk
    outside. A quiet hug or cuddle can often calm a child down. Allow
    your child to relax and regroup before reentering the activity.
    Remember to watch for signs of tiredness, hunger, or frustration,
    too.
    The Problem: Fear
    There are times when children are scared of something but can’t
    communicate their fear. Other times a child may feel his fear is
    inappropriate, so he shouldn’t admit to it. Instead of letting you
    know he is afraid, a child might whine, dawdle, or fi ght you, giv-
    ing you the impression he is just being diffi cult. Typical situations
    for this type of fear are bedtime, separation from parents, visits to
    unfamiliar places, or meeting new people.
    Fear can also be present when a child is adjusting to major
    changes in the family, such as the birth or adoption of a sibling,
    the parents’ divorce or marriage, or a move to a new home. At these
    times parents may be somewhat emotionally unavailable due to
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    No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools
    their own busyness or adjustment, leaving a child to struggle with
    unidentifi ed feelings on his own.
    Solutions
    Examine your child’s actions and environment to determine if fear
    may be the cause of the behavior. If you think this might be the
    case, you can begin by casually asking leading questions to fi nd out
    if you’ve correctly identifi ed a problem. Avoid questions that invite
    a yes or no answer; instead ask open-ended questions that invite
    more discussion. If your child doesn’t respond to direct questions,
    you can use puppets, stuffed animals, or other toys to play-act the
    situation together. Then pay close attention to what your child’s
    character does or says.
    Once you’ve identifi ed your child’s fear, see if you can fi nd ways
    to help him overcome it. This may involve talking or an action—
    such as installing a night-light and buying a fl ashlight to overcome
    a fear of the dark. Or, it might mean approaching a new situation
    a bit more slowly and cautiously, such as visiting a new home and
    neighborhood a few times in advance of your family’s move. You
    can also read books together that show how other children master
    similar situations.
    The Problem: Feeling Powerless
    Children have little say or control over their lives. Parents and
    others tell them what to do and when to do it. While this is often
    accepted as the way things are, there are times when a child feels
    very strongly about something but is directed to do the opposite.
    A typical example is when a child is having a grand time playing
    at a playground or with a friend and is told that it’s time to stop
    and go home. Other times, we impose an unpleasant task on a
    First, Solve the Real Problem
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    child who doesn’t understand why we are so adamant that it must
    be done—brushing teeth, bathing, sharing toys, and eating green
    vegetables, for instance.
    Solutions
    There are several approaches that can help to alleviate the feeling
    of powerlessness that often causes a child to erupt with unpleasant
    behavior. The fi rst is to simply acknowledge a child’s feelings. “I
    know you are having fun and don’t want to go.” You can follow this
    up with the facts. “But the bus leaves soon.” Sometimes children feel
    better just knowing that someone truly understands how they feel.
    It can also help to give a child a clear warning of what’s to
    come, so that he is prepared and not caught off guard. “We have
    to leave in ten minutes.” Or give a younger child a gauge that he
    can understand. “We have time for two more trips down the slide.”
    Once ten minutes have passed, or two more