Free The No Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley

avoided.”
    —Ole, father to Lucas, age 3
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    No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools
    Improving your child’s diet is a simple idea with a big pay-
    off. Make an effort to provide many small servings of a variety
    of healthy foods each day to prevent hunger-based behavior
    problems.
    The Problem: Frustration
    Children’s minds are often one step ahead of their physical abili-
    ties. They may want to tie their shoes and they may think they
    know how to tie their shoes, but when they grasp those laces they
    just can’t get them to tie! In their frustration—and their desire to
    succeed—they often get discouraged and angry. They desperately
    want to succeed, and, as nature would dictate, they are determined
    to keep trying even when they fail repeatedly—which often makes
    them appear to be unreasonable and stubborn.
    While we do want our children to learn how to be indepen-
    dent, we don’t always have time for the learning process nor do
    we always identify this as the cause of stubborn behavior, so our
    own impatience makes our children dig in their heels even deeper.
    This, of course, makes us even more upset, and so goes around the
    circle of negative emotions.
    Solutions
    Understand that your child has a biological drive to master her
    world, yet oftentimes she’s unable to achieve the things she sets
    out to do.
    There are times when you can allow your child plenty of time to
    practice a new skill. Other times, when you are in a hurry or when
    your child is clearly frustrated, there’s no rule against helping your
    child accomplish any task.

    First, Solve the Real Problem
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    Mother-Speak
    “ My daughter has suddenly become very independent. She
    decided that it was time to learn how to dress herself. My
    normally quiet, even-tempered toddler was now yelling,
    groaning, grunting, and at times crying in her room. And this
    didn’t just occur in the morning—oh no, we had to experi-
    ence fi ve or six clothing changes every day. At fi rst I was
    annoyed with her frustrated attempts, and yet she wouldn’t
    accept help. I determined that the easiest way to handle the
    aggravation was to allow plenty of time for clothing changes
    several times a day. I let go of the need to control her cute
    outfi ts and perfect hair and just let her wear anything she
    could get her hands on. Inside, outside, all around the house
    and neighborhood she proudly displayed her unique cloth-
    ing accomplishments. Two weeks later, I have to say that my
    willingness to give her space and time, and give up my own
    agenda, has paid off. She’s now down to only two outfi ts a
    day in less than fi ve minutes each! Proof that practice makes
    perfect, even if Mama has to put up with some toddler-style
    frustration!”
    —Sarah, mother to Gracie, age 3, and Sam, age 1
    Yes, we want to teach our children to be independent, but we
    don’t need to do it all in one day. Sometimes, it’s better for you to
    take over and save the practice for later, during a calmer moment.
    When you do have the time, a few minutes of guidance and direc-
    tion can go a long way toward helping your child learn to master a
    task. You may also want to look for opportunities to help your child
    practice her many new skills under unrushed circumstances.

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    No-Cry Discipline Parenting Skills and Tools
    Mother-Speak
    “ I have had to tell my child, ‘It’s okay for Mommy to help you.’
    He wants so badly to do it by himself that although he is
    having trouble, he refuses help. I think letting him know that
    accepting help is okay helps him relax.”
    —Stacey, mother to Tasneem, age 7; Umar, age 5;
    Yusuf, age 2; and Zayd, age 1
    The Problem: Boredom
    Children are incredibly curious and on a constant quest for knowl-
    edge. It is a biological necessity and is as powerful a need as hunger
    or thirst. A child’s job is to learn new things, and when we don’t
    provide the proper stimulus, he will fi nd it himself, or fi ll the void
    with an emotional