Free Euphoria by Erin Noelle

wasn’t gonna do anything but bring me more misery in the long run. Okay?”
    Again, I just nodded. I wasn’t sure what to say really. I almost couldn’t believe that it was my Mason sitting in front of me saying those things. I knew what he said was true, just like it wasn’t Ash’s fault that I ran away after Evie’s death or Bentley’s fault that I slept with Max. I made the choices to react in the manners in which I did; I failed myself in critical moments of which my character was tested.
    Heather’s voice pulled me from my wandering thoughts. “Scarlett, why did you come here to see Mason last week?”
    I looked up at her, a bit befuddled. “Because I love him, because I care about him. I needed to see with my own eyes that he was here getting the help that he needed.”
    “Not because you felt guilty or felt pity?” she asked.
    “No,” I answered ardently. “I’m not saying that I don’t feel guilt because I do… or I have, but I would’ve come to see him no matter the reason or circumstances that he was here. And I’ve never felt pity towards him. I may not understand the things he does, but never pity.”
    She looked at Mason, “I’m very proud of you today, Mason. I know saying a lot of that wasn’t easy, but it needed to be said for both yours and Scarlett’s sake. Now the last thing that needs to be discussed is where each of you see your relationship going in the future, if anywhere. If you both to choose that today is the last time you see one another, I feel confident that you can both put the past behind you. You’ve both apologized to one another, and you both seem to understand that it’s time to take responsibility for yourself and your own decisions. Many people are dealt really shitty hands in life, but there comes a time that you have to forget the past and take control of your future. Remember, in the end, it’s not about where you start, it’s about where you finish.”
    Heather leaned back in her chair, and crossed her hands in her lap. She looked at me, then at Mason, and then back at me. “So the future… Scarlett, look at Mason and tell him how you see y’all’s relationship going forward.”
    I slowly shifted my weight so that I was turned towards him. I took a moment before saying anything, as I gathered my feelings and thought about exactly what I wanted to say. “Mase, I can’t say what will happen or not happen in the future, but for now I want to be your friend. I want to get to know you, the inner you. I’m not sure what stage or what kind of love I have for you, but I know that I do love you. I care about you tremendously and I want you to be happy. I’m with Ash, and he makes me happy. He and I do have a connection on a cerebral level that you and I never reached. Mentally and emotionally, he’s there for me.” It took everything in me to not start crying while I said that, but somehow I made it through with dry eyes.
    Not breaking our stare, he took his turn. “I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t want to try again with our relationship, to start over knowing what we know now, but I realize that isn’t what’s supposed to happen right now. I would love to be your friend. I would love to know what your favorite color is and if you have any siblings. I want you to be happy, and if Ash makes you happy, I’m okay with that. I know that I have a lot of work still to do on myself before I can even think about focusing my attention on someone else.”
    We sat there for several minutes after he finished talking just smiling at each other. I honestly felt like we were going to be okay, both individually and together as friends. Heather offered one last piece of advice before excusing us both from her office.
    “Many psychologists refer to euphoria as a state of intense happiness and self-confidence, a blissful self-clarity if you will, and most people throughout their lives search and strive for this feeling. Why many never achieve it is because they