Free Meant For Me by Erin McCarthy Page A

She probably thought I was entertaining but a total tool.
    Yet I couldn’t stop watching her. Couldn’t stop studying her fingers, her cheekbones, her lengthy eyelashes that were visible when I zoomed in on her in the video. She was so beautiful.
    After an hour and three more videos that I watched a dozen times each, I finally drifted off into a restless sleep with Chloe in my ears and before my eyes.
     
    I woke up a half dozen times during the night and when one o’clock the next day rolled around and Caitlyn arrived at Aubrey’s, I was in a foul mood. I looked like hell. I felt like hell. The only thing that made the prospect of getting through this stupid social nicety with my ex was the fact that Chloe was coming over at three and we were going to get a late lunch. I figured if we went somewhere to eat it wouldn’t be so frustrating that she wasn’t talking to me. We’d both have deli meat in our mouths. But first I had to deal with Caitlyn.
    She smiled and it seemed genuine as she came into the room. “Hey, Ethan, it’s really great to see you.” Without any appearance of discomfort, she reached out and hugged me.
    I put my arms around her in return and waited to feel some sort of longing or regret. But I didn’t really feel anything other than mild nostalgia. She didn’t feel like she belonged to me anymore. I remembered her scent, her eyes, yet everything was different. She was then, not now. It wasn’t that she seemed like a stranger, but for the first time, I felt truly like both of us had moved on, not just her.
    Of course, she had moved on to a real relationship and I was jerking around with the girl of the week.
    “Thanks, it’s great to see you, too. You look good, Caitlyn.”
    She stepped back, her smile still broad. “Thanks. So isn’t Emma the cutest baby you’ve ever seen?”
    “Definitely.” I noted she didn’t say I looked good in return. I didn’t. I needed a haircut and a shave and about a week solid of sleep. I needed to go back to the gym, get some Vitamin D. It hadn’t seemed to matter much before, but now I was aware of how scruffy-ass loser I was. But at the same time, I figured there was no fucking point in worrying about it. It was what it was. So I wasn’t exactly Magic Mike. I still had no problem getting ass.
    “How are you?”
    “Good. Great.” She shifted into Aubrey’s living room. “I like being back home more than I would have ever guessed.”
    “It’s kind of a cool place. You kept it a secret from everyone. I bet you never thought Aubrey would end up living down the road from you.”
    I did resent that Caitlyn had kept her entire life basically a secret from me. It shouldn’t matter anymore, but it was hard to let that go, that she hadn’t trusted me enough to understand I wouldn’t give a shit how she had grown up. I hadn’t been with her because I thought she came from an upwardly mobile white family from the supposed right neighborhood. I had been with her because she was intelligent and beautiful and a caring person. I knew that she’d felt a certain sense of shame for having grown up poor with a mentally ill mother, but come on. She had been willing to marry me, but not share the truth with me. It was bullshit.
    Bullshit I needed to let go. She had made mistakes and I knew she felt bad about that. I wasn’t exempt from bad choices. Obviously.
    She made a face and looked a little uncomfortable with my words. “Yeah, I guess that was childish. But I wanted to forget, so yes, it’s totally ironic that both Aubrey and I ended up here. And now you’re here.”
    “Just for a few days. It’s good to see Aubrey and Emma.”
    My sister, who was sitting on the couch with the baby, had an expression on her face that was hard to read. I was pretty sure she was worried about me and my reaction. I felt fine. There was still that lingering resentment and I was busted from not getting enough sleep, but it was whatever. I didn’t look at Caitlyn as she came