Free The Dangerous Passion: Why Jealousy Is as Necessary as Love and Sex by David M. Buss Page B

jealousy, now produces an increased sensitivity to subtle signs
of treachery. Jealousy becomes more easily activated. In
Laughter in the
Dark,
a car accident renders Albinus literally blind, a metaphor for his
psychological blindness. His inability to “see” Margo and Rex’s deception led
to his inability to see at all. He moves uneasily with a cane, bumping into
objects as he stumbles through the darkness. But over time, his physical
blindness improves his psychological sensitivity. He begins to hear the
laughter in the dark. And for the first time, psychologically, he begins to
“see.” Over evolutionary time, those who got duped failed to reproduce as
successfully as those with psychological antennae attuned to deception. So
humans have become incredibly skillful detectors of deception, just as we are
adept at carrying out deception.
    The spiral continues unabated, as long as the conflicts of
interest between men and women continue. In some cases, the good sleuth wins,
the deception is successfully detected, and the threat to the relationship is
skillfully vanquished. In other cases, the betrayer wins. And in some cases,
there is no clear winner. When Albinus finally hears the laughter in his
darkness, Axel Rex and Margo are forced to flee. Although they manage to cheat
Albinus sexually and monetarily, his emerging psychological sensitivity to
betrayal helps him to staunch the losses. He returns to his wife and seeks
revenge on his betrayers. At this moment in the evolution of our species, we
are all end products of the co-evolutionary process that has produced an
exquisite capacity for romantic deception as well as a great capacity for
detecting it.
    Now consider another co-evolutionary spiral involving jealousy.
Although it is primarily a defense against a partner’s defection, the intensity
of jealousy also reveals to the partner information about the strength of
commitment. People correctly interpret the total absence of jealousy as failure
to be sufficiently committed to the relationship. Imagine that you started
passionately kissing someone else at a party while your partner looked on, all
the while displaying not the slightest sign of being upset. You would almost
certainly wonder whether your partner really cared about you, or even had a
pulse. Absence of jealousy signals lack of love.
    People interpret moderate jealousy, in contrast, as a sign that
their partner feels committed to them, but excessive jealousy signals danger.
Men and women interpret excessive jealousy as a sign of anxiety about the
relationship. They sense correctly that the partner feels perpetually
threatened by real or imagined rivals.
    How do these signals enter into the co-evolutionary arms race of
jealousy? Women have developed a strategy of
intentionally evoking
jealousy by strategically flirting with other men in their partner’s presence.
Why trip an emotional switch and risk jealous violence? First, by evoking
jealousy, women increase the man’s perception of their desirability. A man who
takes his girlfriend for granted, for example, might come to believe (or be
reminded) that she is a real “babe” after rivals start sniffing around. Second,
evoking jealousy provides a litmus test for the woman. By gauging the partner’s
response, she can evaluate the strength of his commitment. If he is indifferent
to her flirtations with other men, it signals the lack of commitment; if he
gets jealous, it signals the depth of his emotional involvement. Third, evoking
jealousy increases a man’s commitment. By convincing the partner that he is
surrounded by rivals, the man comes to believe that he is extraordinarily lucky
to be with his partner, and thus strengthens his commitment to her.
    In principle, this should set the stage for yet another spiral
in the co-evolutionary process. Men are not merely passive puppets at the hands
of women, having their jealousy strings tightened and slackened at women’s
whim—at least not all the time.