knee-highleather boots. I had lost touch with her for a few years after we both graduated, but now I see her beautiful face on E! News. To me, she was Cathy Sadler. To America, she’s known as Catt.
I knew that Catt went through a divorce and had recently met her new Prince Charming, but I didn’t know the full story until she posted an article she wrote for Genlux magazine. The second I finished reading it, I sent her a text asking if I could share it with you here, thinking that if divorce is the only option after all others have been considered, then Catt and her extended family are an excellent example of how to gratefully move forward in the shadow of sadness. She gladly agreed to let me share an excerpt. Happy reading (and THANK YOU , Catt!):
A Joy Division
I never thought I’d get divorced. I was a child of divorce and to me the D word was a dirty one.
I was just entering my thirties, my two children were growing and thriving, my career was advancing, but my marriage to Kyle was crumbling. We were college sweethearts, solid friends, and managing our full lives together side by side. But, as the old cliché goes, we were growing apart. After more than twelve years together, eight of them married, our relationship began to dissolve.
But the details of our decline aren’t as important as what came after.
In 2007, I woke up a single mom of two living thousands of miles away from my family back home in Indiana. But I couldn’t lay in bed self-loathing, I had to soldier on for my boys. Thankfully, I had a fantastic TV job in Los Angeles hosting ashow that challenged me creatively and also filled me emotionally. The Daily 10 cast and crew were like family. My job brought laughter into my life every day and was in many ways an escape from the heartache I was feeling after my divorce.
Time passed, and eventually I began to understand that for Kyle and me, being friends was better than being husband and wife; and I also felt that our children were adjusting well, all things considered.
When my older son Austin turned seven, I hosted a birthday party at our home. Several of the kids’ friends were invited, my girlfriends and their husbands were there, and, of course, Kyle wouldn’t miss it. I knew he had been dating Sarah for several months, so when he respectfully called beforehand to ask if she could come to the party, I said yes.
My friends were astonished. “How are you corralling kids, overseeing the face painting, leading the happy birthday song, and not losing your mind knowing ‘she’ is here?”
And then something happened. Sarah asked if I could use her help.
A moment later I was cutting the cake and Sarah was scooping the ice cream. We were side by side. It was then and there, in that very moment, I knew it wasn’t about me. It wasn’t about us. It was about the boys. It was about forgiveness. And most of all, it was about love.
Fast forward more than four years and Sarah and Kyle are married. I, too, have found love again. I married Rhys last October. And today, long after divorce, I consider my family to be progressive, healthy, and according to many who know us, even inspirational.
Our Modern Family exists because of a conscious choice to put our children first. Once that determination was made,the fruits of that decision included a continued friendship post-marriage with my ex, and eventually new friendships between all four of the adults involved. Sarah and Rhys not only support and encourage the “Joy Division” as we know it today, but they are an integral part of it.
I genuinely want to alert others to the possibilities of what life can be like after divorce. It is possible to reboot and achieve a symbiotic, thriving family dynamic. Sure, if one person in the group had not had the same vision, none of this would be possible. But ours is love—divided, and conquered.
S PEAK N OW OR F OREVER H OLD Y OUR P EACE
I know many people hate them, but I love surprises. My husband knows this