Free Not Your Hero by Anna Brooks

been five years.”
    I grab a box of tissues and set it next to her, giving her shoulder a squeeze.
    “Jim told me about your husband last night. I’m real sorry.”
    “Thanks. Me, too.” She wipes her face and refills her cup. “This woman. This slutty woman who slept with you, it’s not me. It’s not who I am.”
    “You don’t need to explain yourself to me.”
    “I know that, but it’s just, I can’t do this with you anymore.”
    No skin off my back because, honestly, the thought of fucking someone other than Courtney makes my dick limp. “It’s okay.”
    “God!” she yells into the air. “I miss him so much. My house feels empty, and every time I had sex with you, I felt guilty. Like I was cheating on him. That’s why I didn’t want to look at you. I pretended it was him. I just want him back.” She puts her head in her hands and continues crying. I should be pissed off that she was thinking of someone else while I was fucking her, but somehow, it doesn’t bother me at all. I actually feel relieved.
    “It’ll be all right.” I awkwardly pat her back and realize how much easier it is to comfort Courtney. I feel bad for Lisa, but I don’t have the need to take her pain away, to hold her until she stops crying.
    “My friend should be here soon. I asked her to pick me up then I’m going to stay at my parent’s house for a while.”
    “Okay.”
    “Thanks, Sam. I appreciate you being so nice about all of this.”
    “We’ve all got our own shit to deal with.”
    “What shit do you have?”
    “Eh,” I shrug, “just stuff from my past.”
    “Ahh. The infamous past. We’ve all got one, I suppose.”
    Her phone dings and she quickly checks it. “That’s my ride. Thanks again.”
    “I’ll walk you out.” When we get to the porch, she gives me a hug. Right when she’s about to pull away, Ben’s little voice interrupts us, and she pulls back just far enough for me to see him and Courtney walking up the steps.
    “Hey, Sam! Look, my grandpa got me a new baseball. It glows in the dark!” He throws it and I catch it as Lisa steps away.
    “I’ll see you around, Sam.” Lisa gives me a kiss on the cheek and gets in her friend’s car. I squeeze the baseball because I know it’ll tear me apart when I look at Courtney.
    “Ben, let’s go.” I whip my head in her direction because the anger in her voice is something I’ve never heard before.
    Yup. She’s pissed.
    “Can’t I play catch with Sam?”
    “No. Get in the house!”
    He hangs his head and follows as she storms away. The door slams, and I tilt my head up and close my eyes. Fuck.
    I still have Ben’s baseball, and I know he’ll want it back, so later that night after I know he’s sleeping, I knock on her front door. Even if I didn’t have this excuse, I would still come over here. I’ve gotta see her and explain things. I need to find a way to be with her. Even if that means going against everything I’ve tried so hard to stand by.
    She steps onto the porch and crosses her arms. “What?”
    “Here.” I throw her the ball.
    “Thanks.” She catches it and turns around, but I grab her arm.
    “That wasn’t what it looked like.”
    “What? You fucked a woman and she walked out of your house not even a week after we dry humped each other in the middle of my kitchen?”
    “No.”
    “Oh, really?” She crosses her arms and squints at me. “So it was just my imagination?”
    “I didn’t fuck her.” I wish I knew why I feel the need to tell her this. It’d be so much easier if she stayed mad at me.
    “You expect me to believe that?” She shrugs my arm off.
    “You went on a date, Courtney. How’s that okay with you?”
    “It was already planned. And I didn’t fuck him.”
    “I didn’t fuck her.” I step closer.
    “Right. Whatever. I’ve given you the opportunity. I gave you the chance to try, Sam. But I won’t be a second choice, and I won’t be one of your whores. I’m done with whatever the hell this thing