Free By Force of Instinct by Abigail Reynolds Page A

paths would never cross again, leaving him only with the memory of one kiss among the blossoms and a book of poetry that would forever remind him of her. Finding himself unable to tolerate this torment any longer, he excused himself abruptly to Miss temple and strode from the room.
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    He did not stop until he was out in the chill of the night. Finding a bench in the gardens, he dropped himself down and rested his head in his hands, allowing the aching pain inside him free rein. Why had it happened this way? Why could she not have cared for him? He allowed himself—nay, he could not stop himself from seeking solace in fancy, imagining elizabeth as he had so many times, coming toward him with that teasing smile which had so bewitched him and her hand held out to him. Beneath the teasing there would be a warm and gentle look in her eyes just for him, and he would take her into his arms, tasting the passion that lay just beneath the surface, waiting for him to awaken it.
    He had dreamt too often of her in his bed to stop there; he could almost feel the warmth of her curves beneath his hands, and see the discoveries he would make as he slid her dress off her shoulders. she would give herself to him, as generous in love as she was in laughter, and he would make her his forever, bound to him by ties as strong as blood.
    Dear God, how am I to live without her? he demanded of the night sky. A sense of hopelessness filled him, as if life itself had lost its meaning when he lost her. She was never yours to begin with! no, he would not give in to despair; he would prove that he could conquer this need for her.
    Pull yourself together, man! he told himself firmly. You are Fitzwil iam Darcy, the Master of Pemberley, and the woman does not live who can bring you to your knees! It is time, past time, to go back in there and play the role you have always been meant to play. With a sigh, he stood and brushed off his trousers.
    He returned to make his apologies to Miss temple. He did not glance in elizabeth’s direction again until it came time for the party from the Parsonage to depart. only then did he allow himself to rest his eyes on her in a long, serious look, taking in her form and her visage and committing them to memory. They would not meet again; this represented the end of an era for him, and the beginning of a life which would be ornamented only by emptiness. As quickly as he could do so tactfully, he retired to his rooms, his mouth tasting of bile. He removed his coat and cravat and threw them carelessly on a chair. His valet looked at him reproachfully; Mr. Darcy usually paid more attention to these matters, but tonight he was blind to everything but the pain in his heart.
    He came abruptly to a decision. He could stay no longer and risk seeing 49

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    her again. “We leave for London at first light, sawyer. Please see to it that my belongings are packed and shipped on as soon as may be.”
    “yes, sir,” the valet murmured in surprise, knowing better than to question his master when he was in such a mood.
    elizabeth was late to breakfast the following morning after sleeping poorly. no sooner had she taken her seat than a bright-eyed Maria Lucas said, “Have you heard, Lizzy? Mr. Darcy left for town early this morning on urgent business, and her ladyship is beside herself with anger!”
    “Maria!” exclaimed Mr. collins, his mouth still working on a large bite of muffin. “I will not have any disrespect for Lady catherine in this house!
    I find it hard to believe that after the gracious condescension she has shown you that you would repay her kindness by speaking in such a way! And if she is angered with Mr. Darcy, I am certain beyond the shadow of a doubt that he richly deserves it!”
    Maria subsided, a look of shame upon her face which would have amused elizabeth on another day. today, though, her mind was ajumble with thoughts— He did not even trouble himself to make his