Free A Touch of Night by Sarah A. Hoyt

fingers to his mouth.
    Elizabeth swallowed, trying to get control of her laughter, and managed only to bubble with the occasional giggle as she said, "Mr. Collins, I am afraid I must refuse your kind offer. I'm the last woman who could ever make you happy, and I know you could never make me so."
    "Ooook?" Mr. Collins asked, incredulous.
    "Oh, no, Mr. Collins. You do me a great honor with your proposal, but truly, I could never aspire to being your wife. I am not worthy."
    "Oooo?" he asked. Then, puffing out his chest. "Ook."
    "Indeed," Elizabeth said.
    And at this, she leaned back in her chair and laughed, wholeheartedly. She laughed till her sides ached. She laughed till she thought she'd cry.
    When she was done, Mr. Collins was a sad little shape, knuckling across the garden, towards the road. She wondered how far he was going. And she was sure he was quite safe. How odd that one could be a were and yet be perfectly disguised.

    * * * *

    Collins ambled across the fields, not knowing where he was going, only aware that his hopes in marrying his cousin Elizabeth were all dashed. What is more, she had laughed at him. He was certain of this. Well, blast all Bennets. He had intended to do his Christian duty because of the unfortunate entail, but that was now over. No other female in the household could tempt him. Mary too prissy and prosaic, Kitty and Lydia too flighty and flirty.

    * * * *

    Though it was the last day of November, it was balmy, almost spring-like day. Charlotte Lucas had gone down to the herb garden to cut some fresh chives for the omelet she planned to prepare for her father's nuncheon. Though he was a knight, their means were so strained that they kept no cook, something that Mrs. Bennet enjoyed to make note of when extolling the virtues of her daughters over those of the Lucases. But Charlotte believed that her cooking abilities would hold her in good stead one day.
    She had just placed the bunch of chives into her basket when she heard a rustling in the bushes and looked up to see Mr. Collins loping awkwardly towards her. He looked rather unkempt. His uneven gait she soon put down to the fact that one of his shoes hung from his ear rather than covering his foot.
    "Mr. Collins," she cried. "Whatever has happened?"
    He looked at her. "Ook!" he said most pathetically.
    She thought she had never seen him look more dejected. Or hairy. And then and there she decided that she would marry him. Someone had to see to it that the man received a regular shave.
    "Mr. Collins, you must tell me all about it," she said, putting her arms out to him.
    Luckily she had found a bench to sit upon, because he hopped up into her lap and began rocking back and forth, crooning.
    She had never experienced lovemaking before, though she was full seven and twenty, but she was quite sure that his behavior had gone beyond the bounds of propriety, and she was glad of it. Soon one of her family was bound to come by and see. She would be completely compromised and they would be forced to marry. She closed her eyes and allowed him to stroke her hair, even though his hands were rough and his fingernails rather long. When they were married she would ensure he was always properly manicured, too. The poor man definitely needed a woman to look after him.
    "Charlotte, what are you doing on a bench all tangled in a gentleman's arms?" cried her little brother Harry, who had just come up from fishing in the stream.
    "Hush!" cried Charlotte. "Mr. Collins and I are engaged. He is going to speak to Papa at once."
    "Engaged?" he chortled. "I never thought I should see the day!"
    Mr. Collins suddenly bounced off her lap. "Oook!" he expostulated. Then after a look of severe concentration, "Engaged?"
    "Why certainly, Mr. Collins," said Charlotte. "I am a lady of virtue. You do not think that I would allow such . . . privileges without us having pledged our troth to each other."
    "Oook, troth?"
    "You were most persuasive, when you so eloquently told me of