Free Days Like This by Danielle Ellison Page B

one! I know you do,” Mrs. H said.
    They were both
quiet as the notes before the chorus grew stronger. “Get ready!” Mrs. H yelled.
    I shook my
head, but what the hell? I sang the chorus as loud as I could, like we used to
do when life with them was normal for me. Joyce clapped when I started, and by
the end we were all singing it as if nothing had changed. And maybe it was
wrong of me, but I pretended along with them.
    The music
swept us away and I danced around the room with Joyce. I didn’t think, just
moved, and Joyce passed me off to Cass. Somewhere in the laughter and the
dancing and the beat, the song changed. No more swing, and instead the soft
swoon of Sinatra.
    Cass didn’t
try to leave my arms, and her being there was so right, so perfect, that I
didn’t make her. I stayed. She stayed, and she was pressed against my chest so that
I could feel her heart beating next to mine. Her breath was on my neck as she
hummed the song close to my ear. It sent shivers down my spine, and I should’ve
stopped it, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I knew what would happen when Cass got
comfortable: she’d let her guard down.
    There was
nothing I wanted more than that, especially while she was in my arms. I wanted
her there. I wanted to hold her close while she sang in my ear, because that
was where she belonged. With me. In my arms. Mouth next to my neck. Music
flowing from her lips right into my ear.
    Her hum
changed into a soft singing, so low that it could have been missed had I not
been waiting. It’d been a long time since I’d heard her sing, since I had her
close, and it was wrong and selfish, but I didn’t want to let go. I wanted to
listen.
    I’d always
thought Cass singing was something too personal for even me. She was like that.
She found something that she loved, something that she was too afraid to lose, then
she took it and held it close. Once we found a snail with a blue shell in the
woods, and she thought it was beautiful so she took it home and put it in a Mason
jar. It was something so precious to her that she didn’t know how to share it.
Sort of like I’d used to think I was to her. Always how she’d been to me.
    Cass was
afraid to lose things, and that fear kept her from sharing them; but eventually
without room to breathe and space to move, she killed them. Just like that
snail in the jar. Just like us.
    Cassie’s lips
barely grazed my neck, and I pulled away before the song was over. She seemed as
surprised as I was. I don’t know if she meant anything by it, but I felt
everything with that barely there touch. Things I wasn’t supposed to feel. Those
feelings lead to me being hurt. I couldn’t be selfish this time. That never
ended well with us. Not for me.
    “I should get
back to it,” I said.
    Cass nodded,
and went back into the kitchen. I couldn’t read her face, but that was probably
for the best. I started working on the wall again, more determined to separate
myself from the Harlen women than I was before. I stole one last glance at her
and realized I still didn’t know if Cassie was the snail or the jar, but I did
know I couldn’t stay around to find out.

16.
Cassie
    GRAHAM STAYED ON his side of the room and
barely even looked in my direction after the dance. It was so awkward now. More
than before. I shouldn’t have danced with him, but the song changed to Sinatra,
and I’d thought to myself, I
should step away. I’d
hummed the words, because “You Go To My Head” was exactly how I’d felt. I don’t
even know what possessed my lips to get that close to his skin.
    Graham had a
girlfriend; I had no right to want to dance with him anymore, or be that close
to him. But it was so normal to be in his arms again that I didn’t want to end
it. I didn’t want there to be distance between us. I’d rested my head on his
chest without thinking, and we’d moved with ease. I stole a glance up at his
face, and he’d seemed to be lost in thought, and it just happened.
    God. I was