Free My Single Friend by Jane Costello

pretending not to notice that her jaw is skimming the floorboards.
    ‘You look lovely tonight – both of you,’ he grins. I snigger.
    ‘Henry, you look amazing. Daniel Craig?’ Dominique turns to me. ‘He should be coming to us for lessons.’
    ‘That’s very nice of you, Dominique,’ replies Henry. I know he’ll be thrilled with the compliment, but he maintains such an air of cool composure, you’d think people told him this every other day.
    ‘I’m sorry, I’ve got to see this.’ She plonks her glass on the table and stands up. She walks round Henry slowly, scrutinizing his appearance in the sort of detail a forensic scientist might examine a corpse.
    ‘The hair, the clothes, the bod. And look at you without glasses, sweetie.’ She grabs him by the chin. ‘Never mind finding a girlfriend . . . be mine, baby!’
    ‘Dominique, you’re making me nervous,’ Henry deadpans.
    ‘You look fantastic, Henry,’ beams Erin. ‘You must realize.’
    ‘I’ll take your word for it. I tried to look in the mirror, but without glasses it’s like examining an Impressionist painting.’
    ‘I can’t wait to get to work on your flirting lessons.’ Dominique claps her hands in glee.
    ‘Okay,’ he laughs. ‘But first let me change this music.’
    Henry wanders to the iPod and puts on ‘Scouting for Girls’. I have no idea whether he knows it’s ‘Scouting for Girls’ – if what he says about his eyesight is true then it may just be luck that he hasn’t put on my Teach Yourself Italian .
    ‘Now,’ begins Dominique, ‘the first lesson needs to be about disregarding your inhibitions, Henry. Unleashing your inner sexuality.’
    ‘My what?’
    ‘Your inner sexuality .’ She says it so casually you’d think she was reading a shopping list.
    Henry looks thoughtful. ‘I must confess my inner sexuality hasn’t had an airing lately.’
    ‘Henry,’ she breathes, leaning forward on the sofa, ‘there is a deeply sensual being desperate to break free from within you – ready to be unleashed upon womankind.’
    ‘Unleashed?’ He raises his eyebrows.
    She nods. ‘And tonight is about helping you unleash it.’
    ‘Er, right.’
    ‘Don’t look so worried,’ she says. ‘You’re ready for this. I can see it – I can feel it. Goddamn it, I can smell it.’
    ‘That’ll be the pizza,’ he says.
    ‘No, it’s not that. Do you know what I’d compare you with? You are like a raging volcano, Henry – moments before eruption.’
    ‘What – several billion years old and full of gas?’
    ‘Er – I’d better check on that pizza,’ I say, and head for the kitchen before Dom catches me giggling.

Chapter 13
     
    Henry was top of the class at everything when we were growing up. But he’s not at Kingsfield Primary now, and tonight, as he perches on the sofa, his expression is confused. He’s plainly not following what’s going on.
    ‘Flirting Rule Number One,’ says Dominique, jabbing her biro onto the flip-chart we created from a stepladder and a roll of wallpaper, ‘is to feel good about yourself. Do you feel good about yourself, Henry?’
    He takes a gulp of wine. ‘Fine.’
    ‘Fine, Henry? Fine?’ She could be auditioning for the part of the Drill Sergeant in An Officer and a Gentleman .
    ‘We don’t want you to feel fine . We want you to feel on top of the world . Feel good about yourself and others will feel good about you. Everyone loves being around a confident, charismatic person.’
    ‘Okay. Yep.’
    ‘You’ve got every reason to be confident, Henry – because you look wonderful,’ adds Erin encouragingly. ‘Keep reminding yourself how attractive you are. If you walk into a bar looking like this, you’ll be more gorgeous than most of the men in there.’
    ‘And better dressed,’ I add.
    ‘With a hairdo Edward Cullen would die for,’ adds Dominique.
    ‘God,’ says Henry, taken aback. ‘I look that good?’
    ‘Yes!’ we all reply.
    ‘If I’m that irresistible, can’t I go