Free Breakfast at Darcy's by Ali McNamara

looking quite the worse
     for wear. Even though we’d stuck mainly to the paths, it had been a lot muddier than I’d anticipated and now, instead of the
     lovely caramel colour they started out this morning, they resemble more of a dirty chocolate with extra grass stain detailing
     that doesn’t usually come as standard on UGGs.
    Thank goodness I hadn’t worn one of my best pairs!
    ‘Yes, well, perhaps I did underestimate how wet it might be underfoot, but that doesn’t affect whether I go ahead and eventually
     come and live here.’
    So just what sort of shoes
do
you wear here, then, if UGGs aren’t any good? Oh – I saw some nice designer wellies on Net-a-Porter the other day. But I couldn’t
     wear them every day for a whole year …
    ‘So why
have
you brought me here today?’ Dermot asks, interrupting my shoe dilemma. He’s beginning to look irritated now, and is standing
     with his arms folded across his incredibly wide chest.
    Quickly I debate whether to try a technique I’ve seen Roxi put to good use many a time with men. It had worked on Niall in
     the pub, but Niall is a bit different to Dermot.
    ‘Niall suggested your many skills and vast knowledge of the building trade would mean you are just the right person to help
     me make a final decision on whether I definitely want to come here or not.’ I smile up at him in what I hope is a coy manner.
     ‘With all your technical expertise, you’re obviously a man of many talents, Dermot.’ Again, just like with Niall I stop at
     fluttering my eyelashes. Roxi seems able to get away with it, but she’s Roxi.
    A pair of astute dark eyes watch me for a few seconds before their owner decides to reply. ‘Flattery, Miss McCall, will get
     you precisely nowhere with me. However, you have correctly recognised that yes, I do have a certain amount of expertise in
     this field. Now I suggest you start by telling me
exactly
what it is you propose to do here on this island,
if
you choose to stay, and then I can begin to get a better idea of the project as a whole, and start to advise you appropriately.’
    Dermot and I discuss my aunt’s requests. He wants to know things like how I’d like to run water and power supplies to the
     island, and how I’d like to house people once they’re over here. And he asks the all-important question: just how much money
     I’ve got to spend on the project.
    Isn’t that what you’re here for, to help me answer all these sorts of things?
I think as I try to give intelligent-sounding responses to his questions. It soon becomes apparent to Dermot that he’s pretty
     much wasting his time when he’s in the middle of explaining to Niall and me in great detail how simple the process of getting
     water to any future dwellings on the island would be. His mistake is in beginning his explanation by using the word ‘physics’,
     which like maths is a no-go area for me, and my mind quickly begins to wander.
    ‘ … So it all works by gravity,’ Dermot explains. ‘Rainwater collects up in a lake in the mountains over there, then runs
     down off the side through in-cuts that the original islanders would have made. ‘Can you see it, Darcy?’
    I look up to where he’s pointing, and in the distance see a thin trickle of water twisting and turning down the hill. ‘Oh,
     yes.’
    ‘So what you would do is simply intercept the water at the lake before it runs down the hill using pipes of reducing sizes
     to aid the gravity flow, and make the pressure of the water strong enough for everyday use.’
    I think I’m supposed to be impressed by Dermot’s explanation.
    ‘We can actually have things like running water and heat, then, if we rebuild these old cottages that were here before?’
    Dermot stares at me for a moment, then addresses his nextremark to Niall. ‘Haven’t I just stood here and explained all that to the two of you?’
    ‘Yes, yes you have, Dermot, and if I may say so, very thoroughly and in
great
detail.’ Niall