Free He Comes Next by Ian Kerner Page B

the penis temporarily compress the venous plexus, with the result that blood flows in but then cannot depart, and lo, it is risen. The clitoris does not seem to have a distinct, compressible plexus; the vascularization of the organ is more diffuse. On sexual kindling, arterial flow into the clitoris increases, but the venous outflow is not clamped shut, so the organ does not become a rigid little pole. Why should it? It has no need to go spelunking or intromitting. And it may be that the comparatively subtle nature of its blood trafficking allows the clitoris to distend and relax with ease and speed, giving rise to a woman’s blessed gift, the multiple orgasm.
     
     
    Resolution
     
    Says Jim Pfaus, a psychologist at Concordia University in Canada, to the Economist , “The aftermath of lustful sex is similar to the state induced by taking opiates. A heady mix of chemical changes occurs, including increases in the levels of serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin and endogenous opioids (the body’s natural equivalent of heroin). This may serve many functions: to relax the body, induce pleasure and satiety, and perhaps induce bonding to the very features that one has just experienced with all this. ” In other words, sex isn’t just an aspect of love: Sex begets love and is a vital key to its reinforcement.
     
    Bridging the Snuggle Gap
     
    To snuggle or not to snuggle, that is the question. I get complaints all the time from women about guys who don’t snuggle after sex, but rather roll over and start snoring.
     
    HE SAYS: “After sex, it’s like I’m dead. I’ve been wounded in battle. I need to recover. I need to sleep and heal. I know she wants to cuddle and spoon, but I got nothing left to give.”

SHE SAYS: “After sex, I’m tingly and alert. I’m relaxed and happy, but every fiber is alive. If he were up for it, I could definitely keep going. I’m still aroused, and sometimes one orgasm just isn’t enough.”
     
    Before you beat up your guy for turning over and snoring, consider that there’s a biological basis for why he’s shattered and why you’re still in a state of semiarousal. Men have to develop the requisite sexual tension to accomplish ejaculation, also known as the propulsive orgasm. It takes a whole lot of blood going into the genitals to accomplish this, and a whole lot of blood flows out after. It’s physically exhausting. Since women have no need to ejaculate, blood circulates longer in the genitals: It’s slower going in and out. Thus, women remain in the aroused state longer, hence their capacity for multiple orgasms. So if your man rolls over and starts snoring, cut him some slack. Sure, maybe he could use a little retraining (it would be nice if he at least fell asleep while holding you in his arms), but his heart may still be in the right place.
     
     
     
    A S WE VENTURE beyond the protected pelvis and continue our journey into male sexuality, let us take a page from Joseph Cohen’s witty, eclectic volume, The Penis Book , “When taking an oath, our biblical ancestors placed their hands over the testicles of a witness to vouchsafe their utmost sincerity and honesty. Words like ‘testify’ and ‘testament’ all derive from this unique association.”
    In the spirit of this ancient tradition, the next time you’re unzipping his fly, reach your hand in and take an oath: to strip away the layers of pelvic and psychic protection and approach his body with a new sense of understanding.

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The Male Brain: The Itch
     
    T HE POET W. H. AUDEN wrote that sexual craving is an intolerable neural itch. And true enough, much of our real longing happens in the brain rather than the genitalia.
     
    Dear Ian,
      When my wife and I first met, the sex was so hot and exciting we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. Now it’s just not the same. I hate to say it, but sex has become boring.
     
    —Jack, thirty-two, international pilot
     
    Jack’s right. We hate to say it, and we