Free He Comes Next by Ian Kerner Page A

heat of the moment—it’s a total killjoy.” In addition, many women are concerned that if they insist on the use of a condom, the man will lose interest or his pleasure will be impeded. But caring about your safety should never be regarded as embarrassing, unsexy, or secondary because being comfortable will help you relax and trust your partner and that is the surest route to uninhibited mutual pleasuring and exploration. Rest assured, if a man doesn’t care enough about your safety, comfort, and pleasure to wear a condom, then he’s not a smart choice for a partner (or a generous lover, either).
    My general rule of thumb is that if you’re not comfortable enough to talk to a potential sexual partner about health concerns, than you probably shouldn’t be having sex with him in the first place. Good sex requires open communication and honesty. And if you lack that fundamental basis of trust and mutual understanding, chances are the sex is not going to be all that satisfying anyway.
    Being educated about sex is more than just accumulating information; it’s about having the courage to translate attitude into action. It’s about having the confidence in your own desirability to say what you want and need. And let me tell you, that is always sexy.
     
    Dear Ian,
      I think my boyfriend has been faking it. Is that possible?
     
    —Eliza, thirty-three, hotel party planner
     
    It most certainly is, especially as more and more guys take selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like Zoloft, Paxil, and Prozac. SSRIs boost serotonin levels, which calms us and makes us more even-keeled, but this also has the deleterious effect of inhibiting desire and delaying ejaculation. So if your guy is on an SSRI, it’s entirely possible that he’s faking it. Encourage him to speak to his doctor if he’s suffering sexual side effects.
    It’s also possible that your guy is faking it as a function of stress, especially if he’s using a condom, which diminishes penile sensation. Or perhaps he’s feeling distant and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Writes columnist Amy Sohn of an interview with a male faker:
     
    For men who find themselves starring in their own personal remake of Endless Love , he has some advice. “Pump away, give a sudden exclamation of ‘Ahh!,’ toss your back a bit, and spasm.” What if the woman raises suspicions about output? “You say, ‘It’s not always a lot.’ And if you really get down to it, you can say, ‘Where’s yours?’”
     
     
    Orgasm vs. Ejaculation and the Male Multiple Orgasm
     
    With three types of erections, is it any wonder that some experts contend that there are actually four types of orgasm? In her books, sex therapist and former surrogate Barbara Keesling maintains that men can experience:

    1. A nonejaculatory orgasm (using the PC muscles or kegels to experience the contractions of orgasm without ejaculation)
2. Multiejaculation, in which a man experiences a series of partial ejaculations
3. The aftershock orgasm, in which a guy has one intense orgasm with subsequent less intense aftershock contraction-based orgasms
4. Retrograde ejaculation, or injaculation, in which semen is ejaculated into the bladder rather than out through the urethra. Injaculation is mentioned often in tantric sex books as the be-all, end-all of orgasm, while most sex therapists consider it a relatively harmless experience that occasionally occurs.

    While the male multiple orgasm is a great strategy for helping a man get the most out of physical arousal, it shouldn’t be confused with female multiple orgasms, which have a genuine basis in physiology. Male multiple orgasms are a technique. This is not so with female multiple orgasms. As Natalie Angier wrote in Woman: An Intimate Geography :
     
    …the clitoris does not have a venous plexus. In men, this tight-knit group of veins serves as the major conduit through which blood leaves the organ. During arousal, muscles in the shaft of