Free Connected by Kim Karr

and do not say anything, and do not say no. I have you on the eleven o’clock flight tomorrow morning to McCarran International to conduct the initial photo style interview with River Wilde.”
    “ What? Are you crazy? No! No fucking way!” I tell her, shaking my head for emphasis even though I know she can’t see me.
    Aerie ignores my outburst and tells me she has already arranged for me to meet the lead singer of The Wilde Ones at Sound Music’s corporate headquarters in Las Vegas tomorrow afternoon. She stresses, “The lead singer, you know, River Wilde,” in case I’m for some reason unclear as to who he is. Aerie tells me River is in Las Vegas for some kind of promotion and had a last minute change in his schedule. She has no one else to do it and his schedule change is only allowing a small window of time for the magazine to meet with him on Friday. Then she stresses, “And Dahlia girl, this is a huge opportunity for me and the magazine, please.”
    Turning down the volume on the TV and looking around at everything I have to pack, I say, “I can’t go on such short notice, you know that. I just put the house on the market.”
    “ No, I know no such thing. Having your house up for sale isn’t the issue. Being gone one night won’t make a difference. I’m not dumb. I know you. I know what’s going on in that pretty head of yours, and this has nothing to do with your crush, I promise.”
    She stops a minute, pauses, and then continues. “You’re afraid to see him, your secret rock star crush, but come on Dahlia. He probably won’t even remember you.” She says it so matter of factly I actually feel a little hurt.
    I think to myself while mentally correcting her words in my mind, that actually, River Wilde was my crush before he was a rock star, and no matter what she says, she’s obviously setting me up so I can’t say no. Aerie knows I secretly swooned over him after we met at the USC Campus Bar many years ago. She knows he’s the singer whose songs were always on repeat, not only on my iPod, but also in my head. And she knows he was the one singer I never talked to Ben about, and now she wants me to meet him, again.
    “ You are going to owe me so big, you know that right? I’ll do it, I’m sure he won’t remember me anyway and even so it’s not like anything embarrassing happened, you know?” I finally manage to croak out.
    “ Thank you so much, I really do love you Dahlia girl,” Aerie croons and then spends the next hour telling me the highlights of River’s career.
    After we hang up, my mind wanders back to how I felt that night I met River. How that was still the only time someone’s touch sent goosebumps up my arms. I remember the feelings I felt then, feelings I have long since buried. I hope to God they don’t resurrect tomorrow. How could they? Those were feelings of a young college girl who was in love with someone else anyway.
    Every now and then I have thought about our intense connection that night in the bar and wondered if it might have been more in my mind than it actually was. More like it was okay to want to believe in something you knew couldn’t possibly be.
    Besides, even if the connection was real, River is somewhat famous now and I’m sure he has a lot of women after him or possibly a girlfriend even. What does any of that matter anyway? I’m still a broken girl struggling through the stages of my grief, trying to reenter the real world without the man who is still a part of me.
    I haven’t paid much attention to River’s career since Ben’s death. Curiosity takes over and I Google his name. I read a few articles about him and download his latest songs. I slip into my bed around eleven not even realizing I never watched Vampire Diaries.

BEGIN AGAIN
     
    I’ve been spending the last years
    Thinking love will always leave you
    I wondered if it would all begin again
    Memories of years ago flood my mind
    And I can’t help but think of you.
     

     
    Shimmering