Free Band Fags! by Frank Anthony Polito Page A

off.
    â€œAbout?”
    â€œAbout how JEH died.”
    Knowing we both already know all about it, I say, “’member? It was an accident.”
    â€œYeah…But maybe it wasn’t,” Brad speculates. “Maybe he did it on purpose. ”
    Which is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. “What reason could JEH possibly have for wanting to kill himself?”
    â€œWell,” says Brad hesitantly. “Maybe he was a Big Fag and he couldn’t take it anymore…You know what I mean?”
    â€œNo…”
    â€œThink about it, Jack,” he advises me. “I mean, here he was, this totally gorgeous guy…Rich and famous…And he doesn’t have a girlfriend? ”
    â€œWhat about Emma Samms from Dynasty? ” I point out. “They were together a lot.”
    â€œI know…” Brad replies, hesitating again. “But maybe that was just a cover up…You know what I mean?” Then he gasps at the realization he’s come to. “Just like the name of the TV show JEH was on when he died!”
    To which I’m like, “I never thought about it that way.”
    And Brad’s like, “Maybe that’s why he did it.” Totally hypothesizing. “Maybe he couldn’t keep it a secret anymore…Maybe it was eating away at him inside…And instead of dealing with it, he decided to kill himself and make it look like an accident.”
    â€œYeah…” I start to say. “But do you really think JEH could have been…?” Now I have to hesitate a moment. Brad and I hate to use that word. By which I mean the G-word, don’t ask me why!
    Maybe it’s because of the way it looks when you write it out. With the downward tail of the “g” and the downward tail of the “y” and the teeny-tiny “a” stuck there all alone in the middle. Or maybe it’s because Brad and I both know it’s not a Nice Word and neither of our Moms would approve of us using it. Or maybe it’s because we’ve both had it directed at us more times over the past two years than we care to remember.
    So instead, I use our favorite euphemism… “Like that?”
    â€œIt’s possible,” Brad answers. “You know what I mean?”
    So I think about it…JEH was this totally rugged and masculine guy. How could he possibly be like that?
    â€œPlease!” Brad snorts when I question his thinking. “Haven’t you ever seen the Village People? My sister Janelle says they’re all Big Fags and look at them.”
    I can’t even believe that mustached guy I saw on Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve back in like 1979-going-into-1980 with the hard hat and tool belt is G-A-Y. Which is exactly what I tell Brad next.
    â€œYep,” he confirms. “Total Fag.”
    To which I have nothing left to say.
    â€œYou know what else I been thinking?” says Brad again. “Maybe I could come over and we can hold a séance on Devil’s Night.”
    In case you don’t know…This is October 30 th in Detroit. When people go out soaping car windows and TP-ing houses before burning them down. All in the name of good Night-Before-Halloween fun.
    â€œThat way,” Brad continues, “we can communicate with JEH and ask him the real reason he did it.” By which he means shot himself in the head.
    â€œDo you even know how to do a séance?” I have to ask.
    â€œSure,” he informs me. Like it’s no big deal. “I saw Ginger do one on Gilligan’s Island before…All you need are some candles and some photos…” Both of which he promises to bring along with him. “And then you just do a chant.”
    I can just imagine Brad burning my parents’ house down. Still, I guess I would like to know. Especially if it’s because JEH was like that . Not that I’d care or anything, ’cause I wouldn’t.
    Which