Free Band Fags! by Frank Anthony Polito

Berger said. Like he couldn’t even believe it.
    Which is why all Laura has to do now is bat her eyes at Mr. Traffic Cop and she’ll have us out of here in a jiffy…
    â€œI need to get my children and their friends home to bed,” she explains when he leans in the window. Trying to get a closer look at the Hot Momma, I’m sure. “It’s a School Night, you know?”
    To which Mr. Traffic Cop replies, “Of course, Ma’am.” With a wink and a smile. Then he throws in, “Would you mind my asking where the children’s father is this evening?”
    â€œI have no idea,” Laura smiles. “We’re no longer married.”
    Ding-ding-ding!
    Mr. Traffic Cop pulls back the blue and white “Do Not Cross” barrier, allowing divorcée Laura Victor-Dayton-Victor, her four children, and their two friends to pass in her tan little K-Car.
    â€œHe sure was handsome,” Brad’s Mom sighs. In the rearview mirror, I see her smiling to herself, knowing she’s still got “It.”
    â€œDidn’t he look just like Ponch from CHiPs? ” adds Brad.
    I take a peek out the back window, deciding the cop wasn’t that great. I mean, I used to be a big CHiPs fan back in like 3 rd grade, and he was no Erik Estrada! In fact, my Best Friend at the time, Joey Palladino, and I used to watch the show every Saturday night and talk about it on Monday in Mrs. Fox’s class. We were always arguing over who was cooler, Ponch or John. I always picked Ponch, of course.
    Too bad Joey’s family moved away the Summer after 6 th grade ’cause his parents didn’t want him going to school in Hazeltucky anymore. Now he lives in Clarkston—way out past 30 Mile—and I’ve only seen him a couple times since he left. At first, we kept in touch all the time, running up our parents’ phone bills talking once or twice a week. But after we both got to junior high and made new friends, we pretty much stopped. Which is a Total Bummer because up till Brad came along, Joey was like my Best Friend ever.
    â€œThat cop totally wanted you,” Bobby says to Laura, trying to smooth-talk her.
    To which she gives him another look. I’ve got a feeling Laura really doesn’t care for Bobby Russell at all. And I don’t blame her…He’s a Total Loser!
    So how come he doesn’t wanna be my friend?

Holding Out For A Hero
    â€œWhere have all the good men gone?
    And where are all the gods?”
    â€”Bonnie Tyler
    â€œOh, my God…Did you see the News?”
    Four days later, I’m home in my bedroom talking to Brad on my brand new telephone. Which is just an extension, but still…Finally, I’ve got some privacy!
    â€œI did,” I say in Total Shock. “I can’t even believe it.”
    We both just got the official word from Channel 7’s Bill Bonds…“TV star Jon-Erik Hexum has died.”
    Apparently, JEH got bored while on the set of Cover Up . So between takes, he started fooling around, putting a .44 Magnum prop gun up to his head. “Let’s see if I’ve got one for me,” he joked. Which became his Famous Last Words as he pulled the trigger.
    The impact from the blank fractured his skull, sending a quarter-inch thick fragment into his brain. After being rushed to a nearby hospital where he underwent emergency surgery, he slipped into a coma. With his mother’s permission, Jon-Erik was flown to Las Vega$ today—October 18, 1984—where he was taken off life support and died peacefully. His organs are being donated at his request. He was three weeks shy of his 27 th birthday.
    â€œI can’t even imagine living for only twelve more years,” Brad sighs, holding back tears.
    â€œI know…I’ve got a bijillion things I wanna do with my life still.”
    We observe a Moment of Silence. Then Brad says, “You know…I been thinking…” Then he trails