Free Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy by Helen Fielding

notice,’ she said.
    ‘OK, then,’ I said. ‘OK.’
    Great, an over-fifties cruise for Christmas. Everything looks so dark and gloomy.
    11 p.m. Was still wearing my prescription sunglasses. That’s better.
    Maybe I have just been like a wave building momentum and now I have crashed and another will come along soon! For as it says in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus , women are like waves and men are like rubber bands which ping away to their caves and come back.
    Except mine didn’t come back.
    11.15 p.m. Look, stoppit. For, as it says on the Dalai Lama’s Twitter: < @DalaiLama We cannot avoid pain, we cannot avoid loss. Contentment comes from the ease and flexibility with which we move through change.>
    Maybe will go to yoga and become more flexible.
    Or maybe will go out with friends and get plastered.

A PLAN
    Sunday 2 September 2012
    Alcohol units 5 (but hard to tell with mojitos – maybe 500?).
    ‘It’s time,’ said Tom, settling into his fourth mojito in Quo Vadis. ‘We’re taking her to the Stronghold.’
    The Stronghold has recently become a regular part of Tom’s micro-universe. Run by a client from his therapy practice, it is an illegal American-style speakeasy in Hoxton.
    ‘It’s like being in an incredibly well-directed music video,’ Tom enthused, eyes shining. ‘There’s every age group: young and old, black and white, gay and straight. Gwyneth’s been seen there! And it’s a “pop-up”.’
    ‘Oh, please,’ said Talitha. ‘How many minutes till the edginess of “pop-up” anything has popped down?’
    ‘Anyway,’ said Jude. ‘Who bothers to meet people in real life any more?’
    ‘But Jude, there are actual live people there. And Americana bands, and sofas – you can talk and dance, and make out with people.’
    ‘Why would you do all that before you’ve found out in one click whether they’re divorced or separated-with-kids, like bungee jumping more than going to the movies, know how to spell, know not to use the expression “lol” or “special lady” without irony, and whether they think the world would be a better place if people with low IQs were not allowed to reproduce?’
    ‘Well, at least you’ll know they’re not a photograph from fifteen years ago,’ said Tom.
    ‘We’re going,’ said Talitha.
    Upshot is, we are off to the Stronghold in Hoxton on Thursday.
    Wednesday 5 September 2012
    Acts of screenplay written 2.5, attempts to find babysitter 5, babysitters found 0.
    9.15 p.m. Disaster. Forgot to ask Chloe about babysitting tomorrow, and she is going to watch Graham compete in the South of England t’ai chi semi-final.
    ‘I’d love to help, Bridget, but t’ai chi means an enormous amount to Graham. I can definitely do the school run on Friday morning, though, so you can sleep in.’
    What am I going to do?
    Cannot ask Tom as he is coming to the Stronghold, ditto Jude and Talitha, plus Talitha does not do children since she says she has done that and only uses hers if she needs a walker for charity auctions.
    9.30 p.m. Just called Mum.
    ‘Oh, darling, I’d love to but it’s the Viva Supper tomorrow! We’re doing Ham in Coca-Cola. Everyone is doing things in Coca-Cola now!’
    Am slumped at kitchen table, trying not to think about everyone doing things in Coca-Cola in the Viva spa. It’s SO UNFAIR. Am trying my best to rediscover myself as a woman but now am up shit creek without a . . . Oh! What about Daniel?

A DANIEL IN SHINING ARMOUR
    Wednesday 5 September 2012 (continued)
    ‘Jones, you little devil,’ growled Daniel when I called. ‘What are you wearing, what colour are your knickers and how are my godchildren?’
    Daniel Cleaver, my former Emotional Fuckwit ‘boyfriend’ and Mark’s former arch-enemy, has, to his credit, really done his best to help since Mark was killed. After years of bitter one-upmanship, when Billy arrived the two of them finally made it up and Daniel is actually the children’s godfather.
    Daniel’s best