Free Love Me to Death by Sharlay Page B

can imagine the expression she has but seeing it plastered over her face is far too dangerous. So, I never look back and instead take direct and fast steps in the direction of my apartment. It’s over twenty minutes away by train, but I don’t care. I need all the air I can get right now because Ned just stole a ton of it when I held her in my arms.

 
     
    I wake up with the image of Ned smiling, on my mind. I had a pretty good time with her yesterday, probably because she’s actually quite funny.
    I stretch my arms in the air and turn to see the right side of my bed empty, something that hasn’t happened in a while. I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to be able to abide by that rule in the contract. We may need to re-negotiate.
    I slide out of my bed and stroll into my kitchen. I search the cupboards for something decent to eat but only come up with a granola bar that I’m pretty sure is beyond the expiration date. I don’t look at the date on it, that way I won’t know and can eat free of guilt. Now that Ned’s paid me my money I can finally do a decent shop. It’s been months since my account has seen money and it feels good.
    I head back to my room and jump straight back into bed. I have no idea what to do with my day off but I’m bored already. I rip back the packet of my granola bar and start chewing away. These things taste disgusting but I’m hungry. I find my phone thrown down on the floor and pick it up.
    Five messages …
    The first two are from Tracey — I know this because she signed her name at the bottom. Both of them are filled with curse words that describe what a terrible person I am. I delete them and move on to the next. I laugh as I open up the next message which ironically is from the flexible Lacey. Again, I only know this because she signed her name. She is just echoing her sister’s messages except hers are littered with spelling mistakes. I can’t resist messaging back and simply type the words Auto Correct and hit send.
    No wonder women hate me. Ned doesn’t seem to hate me. I doubt I’d be laughing if she did. Somewhere deep down, the thought of it bothers me.
    I scroll to the next message which is from Bobby stating that we need to talk. Yup, I think I’ll deal with that later. The last is a message from an unknown number calling me an ass. I’m going to take a wild guess and say it’s that Kylie chick I had to kick out of my bed the other day. I’m the target of hate mail today.
    I close the message screen and pull up my call log. I scroll down to the number I called Ned on that first day when I was enquiring about the acting job. I save the number as Ned and pull up a new message.
     
    Me: How’s the meeting going? Cole (AKA Brennan which is actually the name on my BIRTH CERTIFICATE)
     
    I get a reply within thirty seconds, and I cannot deny that I am a little excited. I roll over onto my stomach and read Ned’s message.
     
    Ned: Boring and uncomfortable. (Cole sounds better … I know a company that can legally change the name if you want their details?)
     
    I laugh.
     
    Me: Uncomfortable? (I’ll pass on the name change.)
     
    Ned: I think I may have shrunk my floss when I did my washing last night. One word: Ouch. (And your loss.)
     
    I burst out laughing.
     
    Me: I told you those things were dangerous. We’re taking them back tomorrow. Do you need me to come and assess the damage? I can take pictures for the lawsuit …
     
    Ned: Actually it was my own fault. My others are very comfortable. No lawsuit necessary.
     
    Me: Pictures?
     
    Ned: Definitely not necessary.
     
    Me: Video footage?
     
    Ned: I’m pretty sure collecting video footage is in direct violation of the contract.
     
    Me: You’re always in business mode … no fun.
     
    Ned: Someone has to be.
     
    Bang. Bang. Bang. I groan at the sound of someone knocking on my front door. Bang. Bang. Bang. Could you be any more impatient? Suddenly I freeze. Oh no. I didn’t pay Larry. He’s